Ack, Tom. Meltdowns suck. Just having one fucks me up; I mean, I feel fucked up from having the meltdown, regardless of the content of/reason behind the meltdown. Throw in the content, and there's not enough Ativan in the world.
You're not fucked up. Not moreso than anyone else. And you can tell me that's bullshit, that you have levels of fucked-upped-ness that have yet to be uncovered, and still I say: *everyone* is fucked-up, just in different ways. But not everyone does something about it, but *you* are. That right there mitigates the fucked-upped-ness.
And it sucks big time that the "doing something" is so goddamned painful. It's not fair. If you're willing to deal with your fucked-upped-ness, the tradeoff should be that doing so doesn't fuck you up worse. I'm sorry it's so hard. (And you know what I'm going to say, which is: it's still worth it in the end. Plus the bonus of: you've really made progress, which I hope you can see even if you feel like shit right now.)
The therapy meltdown aftermath feels like an emotional hangover, doesn't it? Did you have lunch? I know that sounds facile, but if I'm hungry, then everything gets magnified. A full stomach can help.
As for tonight/this weekend, you have time to let your decision go unmade. For at least a few hours.
{{{{Tom}}}} Steph and Sparky both have great advice.
Also, I've seen both Jamie Lee Curtis and Anderson Cooper referred to as a silver fox, so I tend to think of it as a gender-neutral term. As it should be.
Tom, Steph and Sparky have good advice, take care of yourself. And sometimes you have to have those breakdowns to get to the breakthroughs.
Sparky and Steph are both wise, Scola. We're all fucked up, my friend.
If it helps, try to focus on the fact that you are deeply loved by a lot of cool, witty, intelligent, attractive people. All of whom think you're cool, witty, intelligent and attractive.
Also, I've seen both Jamie Lee Curtis and Anderson Cooper referred to as a silver fox, so I tend to think of it as a gender-neutral term. As it should be.
It would probably take very little enticement to get me to jump into bed with either of those people.
I had not heard the term Cougar before it the discussion of the last few days. The term does not sound like an automatically negative one to me. If someone told me they were dating a Cougar, my first reaction would be along the lines of "go you!". If they then explained that a Cougar was a woman like "Mrs. Robinson", if that reference made me feel retro enough I might say "hubba hubba".
I'm completely biased, but I think my dad falls in the silver fox category: [link] (please ignore how it seems like I'm throwing a gang sign).
I was just thinking this morning that one of the main reasons I'm not dyeing my hair, even though it's about 25% white, is that I'm hoping/praying/offering-sacrifices-to-the-gods that my hair will turn that gleaming white in about ten years. It's just waiting out those in-between years for the white to take over.
