Thanks for the link, billytea. That confirms what I believed about children, but I would love to see how the "happiness" of marriage varied by gender.

Yes, I don't know of results for that offhand, but I do recall that the life expectancy for married men is significantly higher than for single men (of the same age), while married women see a small decline in life expectancy compared to single women.

It's hard to see too far past my current mood, but I really don't want kids. I'd kind of assumed I'd have some, but it was never something I'd consider doing on my own, or even something that felt like it would be a dealbreaker going into a relationship.

But had I gotten pregnant accidentally I'd have gone to term.

I've watched a couple relationships around me end because of kidlings and or not. The things people think they can negotiate, and then find they can't. In the relationships I know about I tend to feel for both parties. They did feel they were being sincere, but hit emotional walls. All that and a biological clock to boot.

eta:

For example, if kids caused a parent anxiety for their wellbeing than joy, that'd still work out.

But don't they? And doesn't the joy take the edge off?

I don't find Gilbert convincing. I think for some people children are a great source of happiness. For some people children are the only source of happiness. For others children detract happiness.

I guess trying to measure happiness and when it happens etc seems sort of impossible. I have moments where I am happier than I have ever been or even happier and more in love than I had ever imagined was possible (and in fact, on the in love part, I find it all rather dangerous that anyone could love this much). There are other moments when I am in more despair than I've ever been.

I think the big problem is that children are sort of like an orgasm. You don't really fathom what it's like to have one until you do. And people can keep trying to explain it, but it doesn't make any sense and may even seem unbelievable until it does happen to you.

had I gotten pregnant accidentally I'd have gone to term.

One of the things I'd thought through with was this. And absent my Like That person, I'd likely choose differently. It's weird. It kind of freaks me out that I'd only choose to be a parent because of someone else. But then, I don't really believe there is a someone else, so it makes it theoretically easy!

Then we walked across the way to a new to me cupcake place. Worst Cupcake I've Had from a Non Grocery Store baker

Oh no! That's so sad. Why were they awful?

Kat, do you mean you are on Day 5 with NO WATER???

meara, I'll tell you what Alibelle said. They just tasted cheap. They went for too fancy (chocolate with cream cheese covered with ganache and chocolate shavings). And it just tasted meh. The cream cheese wasn't cream cheesy at all (it looked like bland white cake!) and the ganache tasted hostessy-plasticy. And the cake itself was dry.

After the first bite, I thought, "huh. that's a waste of calories."

Nope. We've had water. But if we aren't careful, it overflows the release thingy in the side yard which is, as you can imagine, yucky.

What a shame, Kat. But I'm impressed by the self-control of getting rid of it, once you realized it wasn't worth the calories. I sometimes have problems with that.

I love cupcakes, and have sometimes been impressed by the flavor combinations I've found at cupcake stores, but usually think the ones I make at home taste better, because they're moister and fresher and the buttercream is less dried out. ...but I still need to figure out what to do with the other 22 cupcakes once I've had a couple. I wonder if the music school students across the street would buy them if I set up a stand? Heh.

It kind of freaks me out that I'd only choose to be a parent because of someone else.

But it's a big deal! The difference between being a single parent and not is something to be carefully considered.

Watching Remington Steele is making me all schmaltzy. I don't know what has become of me.

I guess trying to measure happiness and when it happens etc seems sort of impossible. I have moments where I am happier than I have ever been or even happier and more in love than I had ever imagined was possible (and in fact, on the in love part, I find it all rather dangerous that anyone could love this much). There are other moments when I am in more despair than I've ever been.

Yeah, I have a strong suspicion most parents would look at Gilbert's research and conclude he was pretty much missing the whole point of the children-having experience.

I wonder if the music school students across the street would buy them if I set up a stand?

HAHAHAH! you should do this!

We need a buffista cupcake tasting.