For me, attempts at earlier motherhood wouldn't have made conception easier or more successful. And, in fact, it would have meant that I wouldn't have had access to the fabulous health insurance that paid for the millions of dollars in healthcare necessary to keep my children alive.

it may also have been the self-satisfied smugness of the one mother who was all, "of course I stay at home! They are my responsibility!"

Ah. Yeah, that wasn't in the print version.

"Of course I work out of the home! Having money for food and shelter is my responsibility!"

I am Kat in terms of baggage about fertility and pregnancy in general. I started trying with my ex-husband when I was 26 and finally gave up three years later (at which point our marriage was disintegrating anyway). ND and I aren't planning to have kids, but there's no doubt I would end up being an older mother by no choice of my own if it ever did happen. (And now I don't have insurance that would cover the very expensive process of trying to get pregnant, either.)

I try very hard to keep the bitter at bay, but it's not always easy.

Amych, it may also have been the self-satisfied smugness of the one mother who was all, "of course I stay at home! They are my responsibility!"

oh that would have made my head explode

Two things I tell the college seniors in this group I am a part of is to seriously think about and work at meeting mates in college and to not dismiss having children early. Most of them give me the fisheye, but those are still two of my core pieces of advice.

Yeah, but, if I'd married my college boyfriend (and we came close) we would have been miserable. Would I have kids now? Maybe, but what would the cost have been?

"of course I work to bring home money. They are my responsibility."

I get the bothersomeness of it, I own a good and sizeable chuck of partner resentment. I guess I am just in a zen place at the moment - there are sacrifices on all ends and some are easier than others. Some in my family are floored because I gave up a "real" career to be an admin and have no challenging work at my job, but I think it is the best decision I have made since adopting. If I could work from home, I think I would still keep mac in afterschool, because it is the only place he gets socialization.

I am Kat in terms of baggage about fertility and pregnancy in general.

Not quite in that corner, but... yeah. I've got a lot of issues around this topic, too, and that definitely contributes to many of my issues around marriage/relationships.

Yeah, Ms. Stay-At-Home was definitely chokeable; it wasn't just "they're my responsibility", but "nobody else could possibly ever take care of them but me". But beyond that, there was also some heavy-duty subtext in the editing that came across much more in the story than the written version -- the cut from "oh, we got knocked up at 25 and we're giggly and happy and have cooing laughing baby noise in the background" directly to the worst kind of stereotype of "I'm 38 and I hate all those bitches who got pregnant easier than me".

I'm not saying it's not effective editing, mind you -- but it absolutely tilted the on-air story.

I'm not saying it's not effective editing, mind you -- but it absolutely tilted the on-air story.

there's a lot of that going around this week.

amych, I hadn't thought of the editing!

Enh.

msbelle, of course sacrifices are part of the deal. I might be crazy for taking a more intense job next year, but I am doing so in an effort to get closer to home which, ultimately, means I will have more time. I do foresee LOTS more time up after the baby goes to sleep.

This job, for all its faults, including a hideous commute, a lack of direction, clear guidelines or purpose, has been an absolute blessing. I feel ready to go back to real work now.

Three years after finally having a kid, and I *still* get Bitter McBittersoncakes about the whole thing.

I do try to fight the mental stinkeye, but the mental stinkeye is still there when people get pregnant easily.

(It frustrages me that I only got a job with good benefits that would cover treatment and actual maternity leave AFTER I had my one child, too.)