First of all, that's bullshit. No one knows you well enough, and it's shitty for him to do that based on one person's opinion. Reply with "I would be interested to know who told you that. They may have thought that during the diversity presentation, which was the same presentation I'd already seen."

Well, he'd left a voicemail, so he may not have wanted to go into detail. And when I called back just now, got HIS voicemail, so I (think!) said something like I'm sorry it was percevied that way, I didn't feel like I was, my classmates didn't feel I was, but perhaps it was the diversity training which was exactly the same as we saw last week, and the trainer we did have some issues with (true--it wasn't just me, I discussed with the other class members).

There are only seven of us in class, so it's not like you can truly tune out! I'm just annoyed that he gets a bad report on me before I've really had a chance to convince him I kick ass. And getting denied unemployment (which was the OTHER fun voicemail--I get to pay everything back, yippee) has me panicking that I'll lose this job and become poor and homeless.

I'm at that stage where I feel stupid for being so upset about it yesterday. But I think it hit a lot of women in a really, really uncomfortable place.

I was at a concert by myself last night, sitting in the balcony. I started getting surrounded by men -- men who weren't doing anything other than sitting there, and in fact, I told myself that dudes who were going to see freaking Iron & Wine probably weren't the type to harass, plus Security was present -- and yet I got all tensed up. I felt stupid for getting tensed up, but the reality is that I have very good reasons for anxiety.

I hate being made to feel stupid for getting upset about something that really is a problem in my daily life. I'm constantly making decisions based upon the potential for sexual assault, whether it's a low-level warning buzz in the back of my head to full-on terror.

I don't care what this guy does with other consenting adults at a convention. What makes me so angry that I want to punch people is that he wanted to turn it into some kind of social movement. That's where it's going to go spectacularly wrong, because fandom is made up of people.

There's a reason why I don't go out dancing or hang out much in bars anymore, and I don't want conventions to turn into the same kind of space, where it's acceptable to assume dudes can grope or even ASK to grope me just because I happen to be there.

Ugh, meara, I hate crap like that.

But Susan...this guy is not the norm, seriously. So don't decide to not attend cons based on him and his cronies.

I figured he wasn't. Maybe I just need to attend my first con or two with someone who knows the world and can help steer me to the counter-factual discussions and away from the crazy!

There are a ton of folk who would dig on your counter-factual history WIP...it's a favorite subject of conversation in the hospitality suite. (Counter-factual history in general, that is. Once yours is finished and published they'll talk about yours.)

From your mouth to God's ears! The thing about a counter-factual is it's inherently a gimmick, and I live in fear that someone else will think of the same change to the timeline I thought of before I can get it finished, polished, and ready to submit. Because now that I've thought of it it seems SO obvious that I can't believe no one has done it yet. As is, I'm a bit worried that I'll get, "Napoleonic-era alternative history? Why would we want THIS when Naomi Novik's books have all that and dragons too?"

In my experience shit like this is a real rarity.

My experience completely and totally contradicts that. I think you'd find Jilli's does as well.

For me, it *wasn't* a rarity. It was a fact of life at every single con. Maybe only a small percentage of each con, but it was still there.

"Okay, check. Got yer random pictures of fairies with cat ears, got yer dudes selling low-grade fangs, got yer really boring panel that's not the one that was on the program, got yer Klingons, got yer drunken groper at 12 o'clock..."

And me and my peeps, we'd be all, "Sheeeeeeeeeeet, con guys. What are you gonna do?"

I was probably AT that ConFusion where it started.

You were.

My experience completely and totally contradicts that. I think you'd find Jilli's does as well.

Yes, sadly. My con experiences were exactly like Plei's, with an added "bonus" of working at most of the cons, so I had to be a Cheerful And Pleasant Corporate Representative.

"Okay, check. Got yer random pictures of fairies with cat ears, got yer dudes selling low-grade fangs, got yer really boring panel that's not the one that was on the program, got yer Klingons, got yer drunken groper at 12 o'clock..."

I have been randomly (and repeatedly) groped while walking through dealers' rooms. I have had guys aim camcorders down the front of my top while I was talking to another customer at the WotC booth. I have had my arm grabbed and yanked as I was walking by because a random guy wanted me to stop and talk to him.

This sort of behavior isn't a rarity. Maybe someone trying to turn it into a social movement is, but the behavior isn't.

Heh. Maybe I need to get that sword I'm planning to buy as a writing trophy if I sell this book and wear it to the cons.

"Yes, it's a replica 1803-pattern French infantry officer's saber. If you want to know its significance, you'll need to read my book, now available for preorder on Amazon. Here's my card and a bookmark. Hey, watch the hands! Come any closer to the girls and I'll show you EXACTLY how sharp this thing is."

At ConFusion in particular, the behavior is/was a rarity. And while I know my non-existant boob boundaries make me an anomaly at best, I have never been grabbed, groped, harassed, fondled, or touched in any other inappropriate way that wasn't either instigated or approved by me.

In my experience shit like this is a real rarity.

That might be because you can't stand to be around anyone who's that big of a douchebag, so you never see what happens. It happened to me. I used to hang out at this one bar, and invited a friend along. She said that there were a lot of guys there that were really shitty to women. I said "I never saw that" and she said "of course not. It is very clear that you will clock or verbally eviscerate any dude who's a dick to you, so they leave you alone." I started looking, and she was right. I just never noticed.

eta: I've never been to a con, so I'm not saying this is or isn't true, just another perspective.