{{{{{Laura}}}}} I'm so sorry. Good luck talking some sense into them.

sj, there's a monthy archives link near the bottom right. It goes back three years.

Thanks! I completely missed that.

Personally, I think he is in denial about how fragile mom is right now. I hadn't visited in a few months because she wasn't up to the disruption of my whole family. I went alone this weekend. She looks much older than the last time I saw her. She didn't even walk me out to the car. It was enough of an effort to stand up and hug me good-bye.

yeah, and he might just not be seeing it because, to him, it's been gradual.

{{{Laura}}} I'm so sorry, love.

{{{Laura}}} What a hard situation. Much love and strength to you, bebe.

(((Laura))) Hoping that step-dad listens to her children and sees y'all are trying to do what's best.

{{Laura}} I'm so sorry, hon. I hope you and your siblings can get your step-dad to listen to reason.

Ok, I have sent this to the sibs for their input, but this is what I was going to write to him. Too strong, not strong enough. I want to be firm while remaining respectful.

I didn’t really get a chance to talk to you alone this past weekend, but I wanted to discuss the annual migration north for the summer. I have spoken with Mona, Judi, and Jim and we are all very concerned about the toll that the drive takes on Mom’s health each year. When you have made the trip in the past she wasn’t as tired as she is now, and still each time it takes her weeks to recover her strength after the trip.

Mom has not been well enough to go the few miles to Jim’s house. She hasn’t been well enough to go the couple miles to Judi’s house. She hasn’t been well enough to go to mass. She hasn’t been well enough to shower and dress. She wasn’t well enough to walk out into the driveway when I left yesterday. How can the two of you possibly believe that she has the strength and energy to ride 1500+ miles to New York?

Of course you both want to go north for the summer, but there are many other options that don’t risk Mom’s health. We all want to help make this a safe trip for both of you.

The 2 of you can fly for $104 each and we can drive your truck to New York. Mona has said she would fly down and drive up with me. We would enjoy the time together and neither of us mind driving at all. It would be best for me to wait until the children are out of school so I could leave June 7th. That schedule works for Mona too. Mona has told me that you are welcome to use either Scott’s truck or her car until we get there with your truck. It does not inconvenience them at all.

If you don’t want us to drive your truck then another option would be to have Mom fly and one of use would join you to help drive and keep you company. Any timing would work. You can go before her and get the camp ready then pick her up yourself at the airport. We can time the trip to pick her up at the airport on the way up. She could go first and stay with Mona until you arrive. I can go along for the drive and check out my camp before flying back.

Another idea I had that would save on gas would be for us to rent one of those auto transport trailers from U-Haul and tow the truck behind the van. We need both my van and your truck up there for the summer and this way would save almost half the gas. I wasn’t planning on towing the trailer this year so I could toss my suitcases in the truck and save space in the van.

There are many other options than the two of you driving on your own. I hadn’t seen Mom in months, and frankly I was very upset to see how weak she is right now. It isn’t as shocking to you because you have seen her gradually get this tired. She will most likely be much stronger by the time you are ready to make the trip, but my fear is that the exertion of packing and traveling will set her back again since the trip is always hard on her.

Mona, Judi, and Jim have read this letter and we are all equally concerned that this trip is a bad idea for Mom. We are here to help you both have a safe trip north this year. Please let us help you.

Vortex, I agree that he doesn't see her weakness as alarming as I do since it has been gradual for him.

Thanks for helping me with this. I'm a mess about it.

Laura, that letter is awesome. I think it's just enough firm and respectful. All of the options are great, too and hopefully he'll see you all want them to go north and be mindful of mom's health.

I think the letter is perfect. You may want to delete:

How can the two of you possibly believe that she has the strength and energy to ride 1500+ miles to New York?

He might read this and be too upset to continue reading.

You and your siblings are offering some very kind solutions and I sure hope he defers to you.