but...none of the patrons seemed to notice...

Susan, I'll just note that you have really disliked almost all of your dayjobs. You like a lot of autonomy and that's hard to come by with a middle level job. It's the sort of thing that tends to happen by accident on an org-chart rather than by design. You have strong issues with authority and those issues ping on you in a variety of ways. I think the satisfactory dayjob is going to be elusive for you.

Well...agreed, but in saying that do you have any ideas for what I can do about it, other than accepting unhappiness and/or trying to catch lightning in a bottle in the form of a bestseller?

Susan, let me give you the other side of that. I think - I suspect - that if you could let go of some of the worry about your day job defining you, then you might be able to find a little more contentment in it. In a way, I think you care too much about your day job for a midlevel position to be satisfying. You don't want a job that requires you to really put your heart into it - you want and need something that leaves you able to put your heart into your writing and family. Not caring is tough. But in some way you need to put your job into a 'here for eight hours, do my job, don't care' category if you're going to live with it.

t baseball

Now that King Felix is presumably done for the night, I can safely say he totally ought to be our #1 starter. Not feeling the Bedard love here.

However, we have no offense. It's Ichiro, Beltre, and seven guys who can't hit.

t /baseball

I emailed work to say that if I'm in tomorrow, it'll be a very brief appearance.

I emailed work to say that if I'm in tomorrow, it'll be a very brief appearance.

sounds like a good plan

You don't want a job that requires you to really put your heart into it - you want and need something that leaves you able to put your heart into your writing and family. Not caring is tough. But in some way you need to put your job into a 'here for eight hours, do my job, don't care' category if you're going to live with it.

t nods

That makes sense, and I always say that's what I'm looking for in a job. The hard part is actually *not* putting your heart into it, when you're there day in and day out, and not letting how people treat you (or, for that matter, how they treat each other--half the stress I've got going on right now is stuff where I'm either just an observer or a peripheral participant) mess with your head too much.

ION, I have discovered that I have an inordinate nostalgic fondness for Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler." (He's playing the Emerald Queen Casino, and they just showed the ad between innings.)

You never count your money when you're sitting at the table. There'll be time enough for counting when the dealings done...

Then he comes back and gives me his "I am the most pitiful dog in the world" stare.

Ah, closely related to the "I have NEVER eaten food of any kind since I was weaned from my mother's teat. EVER. No, seriously. I MEAN IT. Look at me! I AM WASTING AWAY. I don't even remember what food IS!!!!"

They've never been fed. They don't even really know what food is, they just know they'd like to try some.

I somehow picked up the attitude very early on that your job is what you are.

This has helped me in the past - to consider the equation time = money. We give our time (and effort) to our employers, they give us money. We use our money to buy goods and services - many of which, if we had the time, we could make or do ourselves. So we, in turn, are exchanging our money for the time of others. It helps me, sometimes, to think, "Ok, this hour at work is the cat food. The next hour is the pizza and really good salad ingredients. After that, is several hours of car insurance. Tomorrow is ...."

I dunno if that will help anyone else.

link

I emailed work to say that if I'm in tomorrow, it'll be a very brief appearance.

I've been contrasting my work with Aimee's today, because while I work some crazy hours, and have big stress...the attitude is so fucking different.

I'm not going to work tomorrow. For no reason, really. But I've been so overloaded with projects recently, and stressing out big time. And Monday we had our usual catch-up meeting, where everyone sort of reports on what's gone out and what's upcoming, yadda. And after I'd pointed out some of my last few weeks' stuff (INsane), and given my this week lineup (managable), department head was all "are you taking some time off? I was thinking you should take some time off."

I'd love for it to be like a long weekend or something, but with my upcoming stuff, and how changeable our schedules are - well, every PTO day I've had on the schedule this year so far fell through. We work some crazy schedules, and sometimes there's really a lot expected that's above and beyond. But what keeps me here and keeps me (more or less) happy is that at base, there's a certain respect for the fact that people have needs and limits, and a presumption of good faith.

The hard part is actually *not* putting your heart into it,

So hard. As might be apparent from my post above, right now, I feel like I'm at a place where the fact that I'm putting my heart into it is respected. I've had jobs before (and I know you have) where it was just assumed, without any reciprocation. And in this society, it's so ingrained that you don't take a job without giving it your all. (and god knows there's no reciprocal assumption there...). You need to break from that. We all do, really. But you more immediately, I think.