Phone: 'sup, buddy? *ring*
Me: You? You are the only thing in my life that can say 'April Fool's' right now and I will forgive.
Phone: Yeah, you wish. *ring*
Me: I *do* wish. I wish you were silent. I wish I had a magical pony that could fly and shit thousand dollar bills.
Phone: That image disturbs me like you would not believe. *ring*
Fuckcake O' the Day: Hi. My name is FCO'tD and I'm from BlahBlahCo and I'm trying to verify employment for RandomName Shitbiscuit.
Me: Okay. Can you give me Ms. Shitbiscuit's Social Security Number?
FCO'tD: Sure. Give me a second.
(interminable amount of time as FCO'tD rustles through papers, breathing like Darth Vader with sinus issues right into my ear)
FCO'tD: Okay, it's BLAH.
Me: Excellent. (typity type type) Can you verify that soc? It's not coming up in my system.
FCO'tD: BLAH.
Me: (typity type type) Yeah, sorry. Let me search by name. Can you verify the spelling of Shitbiscuit?
FCO'tD: S-H-I-T-B-I-S-C-U-I-T.
Me: Yeah, sorry. Not in our system.
FCO'tD: So does she work there?
Me: No. She's not in our system.
FCO'tD: Do you have paper records?
Me: Yes. They reflect what's in our system and vice versa.
FCO'tD: Can you check the paper records?
Me: ...no.
FCO'tD: Really?
Me: It wouldn't do any good. Not in my system = does not and did not work there.
FCO'tD: So you can't verify her employment.
Me: I can verify she does not and did not work here.
FCO'tD: She says she did.
Me: ...
FCO'tD: ...
Me: Well, she didn't.
FCO'tD: But she says she did.
Me: But she didn't.
FCO'tD: Okay. You're sure? BLAH for SSN?
Me: Yep.
FCO'tD: S-H-I-T-B-I-S-C-U-I-T?
Me: Yes!
FCO'tD: Okay. Thanks!
Phone: Man. That was...
Me: Yeah.
Phone: I'm still worried about the counterfeiting pegasus thing.
Me: Shut up.
I'm taking a descriptive cataloging class this quarter that looks to be so very me. Ridic attention to detail? Check. Rules to look up and follow? Check.
Also, the first assignment is to create a description of the book
Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual.
How awesome is that?
I am more enamored with my cat every damn day. How does that work? Shouldn't she be boring me? I've had her for going on 5 years now -- shouldn't we be having a little chat about needing our own space by now?
...Maybe I'm just not very good with people...
Oh well! Off to get my hair done!
I am more enamored with my cat every damn day. How does that work? Shouldn't she be boring me? I've had her for going on 5 years now -- shouldn't we be having a little chat about needing our own space by now?
I know!!
On the 18th, Bartleby has been with me for 6 years...I can count the bad moments (not related to health) on one hand. He is such a joy.
So much so, I've been doing some self-hypnosis stuff (after being reminded of how much I like it by Paul McKenna) which requires an anchor moment that elevates your spirits. My moment? Watching Bartleby running through the park with his best friend Bob. The two of them are joy in a bottle.
Sigh. I love my boy.
Tucker can actually mesmorize people into making scrambled eggs for her.
You only brought a cup of food with you for the whole weekend! Tuck would have starved to DEATH without those eggs.
My puppy has not perfected the pitiful look, or the not-so-subtle lies. If she sees that the kitchen has chicken, beef or bananas, she will sit and stare waiting for her share. She will wait patiently for approximately 0.25 seconds, and then begin her beagle bark of "HERE I AM I AM WAITING I AM SITTING GIMME GIMME GIMME P.S. I'M CUTE!"
Sassy does not need petty lies or to lower herself to the level of 'precious moments' eyes to get what she wants. That little girl is entitled dammit.
I am more enamored with my cat every damn day. How does that work? Shouldn't she be boring me? I've had her for going on 5 years now -- shouldn't we be having a little chat about needing our own space by now?
Pets have a way of worming their way deeper and deeper into your affections. I think it's instinct.
I don't know why I did it.
I Hate My Phone
