"Can you see me over here on my spot being good? This is some world class 'good' going on over here. First rate stuff. And I say this, not so much because the goodness that is me is worthy of note, but that it is goodness worthy of reward."

with Tuck it is more:

Can you see me up here on your countertop where I'm not supposed to be? That's because I can FLY. Yup, thassaright. Flying dog. Not going to tell you all the other things I can do but you really should give me that chicken now. Because you don't know what I'm capable of. And you have to sleep sometime. Also? I'm cute.

Then he comes back and gives me his "I am the most pitiful dog in the world" stare.

Ah, closely related to the "I have NEVER eaten food of any kind since I was weaned from my mother's teat. EVER. No, seriously. I MEAN IT. Look at me! I AM WASTING AWAY. I don't even remember what food IS!!!!"

Oh, my cats tell me that sort of thing ALL the time. In fact, sometimes only minutes after actually eating their crunchies.

Silly creatures.

Also - the weather is playing April Fool's jokes: it snowed on my way to lunch today.

Or the OMG WALK WE MUST WALK NOBODY EVER TOOK ME FOR A WALK EVEN ONE TIME WALK WALK OMG WALK dance I get treated to each evening.

Yup, thassaright. Flying dog. Not going to tell you all the other things I can do but you really should give me that chicken now. Because you don't know what I'm capable of.

Now I'm scared.

When I give the dog something like a piece of chicken, he then walks around the whole house sniffing the floor, in case the chicken fairy has appeared somewhere else.

Bboy does this too. If I drop something on the floor, it is as if the floor created it, and therefore might be influenced to re-create it. A little snorgle oughta do it, is his worldview.

butbutbutbut... the floor did make the bread! There was bread there just yesterday! Or... sometime! And it can make more! ... sometime!

Now I'm scared.

Tucker can actually mesmorize people into making scrambled eggs for her. And at 14 can jump pretty darn high. but spends far too much time engaging in the napping to use her talents for evil. she just likes to remind me who really owns the house and who is just allowed to live here.

eta: because she's really a cat in a dog's body.

butbutbutbut... the floor did make the bread! There was bread there just yesterday! Or... sometime! And it can make more! ... sometime!

Yup. This is it. Especially the magic bread giving tree in the park. As soon as we are within a block, he's pulling for it. butbutbut...there was bread here just last year.

Tucker can actually mesmorize people into making scrambled eggs for her.

Whoa. That's some superpower!

Phone: 'sup, buddy? *ring*

Me: You? You are the only thing in my life that can say 'April Fool's' right now and I will forgive.

Phone: Yeah, you wish. *ring*

Me: I *do* wish. I wish you were silent. I wish I had a magical pony that could fly and shit thousand dollar bills.

Phone: That image disturbs me like you would not believe. *ring*

Fuckcake O' the Day: Hi. My name is FCO'tD and I'm from BlahBlahCo and I'm trying to verify employment for RandomName Shitbiscuit.

Me: Okay. Can you give me Ms. Shitbiscuit's Social Security Number?

FCO'tD: Sure. Give me a second.

(interminable amount of time as FCO'tD rustles through papers, breathing like Darth Vader with sinus issues right into my ear)

FCO'tD: Okay, it's BLAH.

Me: Excellent. (typity type type) Can you verify that soc? It's not coming up in my system.

FCO'tD: BLAH.

Me: (typity type type) Yeah, sorry. Let me search by name. Can you verify the spelling of Shitbiscuit?

FCO'tD: S-H-I-T-B-I-S-C-U-I-T.

Me: Yeah, sorry. Not in our system.

FCO'tD: So does she work there?

Me: No. She's not in our system.

FCO'tD: Do you have paper records?

Me: Yes. They reflect what's in our system and vice versa.

FCO'tD: Can you check the paper records?

Me: ...no.

FCO'tD: Really?

Me: It wouldn't do any good. Not in my system = does not and did not work there.

FCO'tD: So you can't verify her employment.

Me: I can verify she does not and did not work here.

FCO'tD: She says she did.

Me: ...

FCO'tD: ...

Me: Well, she didn't.

FCO'tD: But she says she did.

Me: But she didn't.

FCO'tD: Okay. You're sure? BLAH for SSN?

Me: Yep.

FCO'tD: S-H-I-T-B-I-S-C-U-I-T?

Me: Yes!

FCO'tD: Okay. Thanks!

Phone: Man. That was...

Me: Yeah.

Phone: I'm still worried about the counterfeiting pegasus thing.

Me: Shut up.

I'm taking a descriptive cataloging class this quarter that looks to be so very me. Ridic attention to detail? Check. Rules to look up and follow? Check.

Also, the first assignment is to create a description of the book Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual. How awesome is that?