Yeah, that seems weird.

I can't think about my parents anymore. Bad enough my grandmother's going to die.

Yes, Perkins. I get really weirded out when cars are used to announce things that I assume are deeply personal.

I'm not having the talk this weekend with my parents because my mother and sister aren't talking, and everyone in the family is all het up about my medical straits anyway.

I know I'll pose The Question to them this sunday

Which question is that?

ita, how are you feeling regarding the diet mods?

I lost all my grandparents by 20. Hell, I'd lost 3/4 of them by '91, when I was 16. I saw the body of my paternal grandfather carried out at 11 and oooh boy that had repercussions I didn't expect (I'd have sleepovers where I'd wake up sobbing inconsolably for reasons I couldn't identify and mom had to come get me. And if I don't tell those I love that I love them before I end the conversation? It upsets me and wakes me up.)

Watching the discussion post-program has only made me want The Conversation more. As much as I'd rather it moot.

Which question is that?

What the fuck are we supposed to do if you become physically and/or mentally incapacitated? Retirement home? Us? Hospice? What is your view on the whole living will thing? What are your lines in the sand, medically? What about your finances? Who controls them? What is the status of them? What is your ideal? What do you expect of us, your kids?

I've been my parents medical and financial executor, briefly, because my parents hadn't updated the will in too many years and my brother was still a theoretical being in it (I yelled at them to fix that.) I knew what it was for, and it was temporary. I vaguely know the state of the finances. The long term stuff is harder. I need to make sure that my brother and I are on the same page for the dire circumstances stuff.

I know that it's difficult but you need to talk about these things. I can't stress that enough.

Because having your parents get sick? Sucks. Having them die? Sucks even more. Knowing that you did exactly what they would have wanted you to do? Priceless.

In more boring cat news: Nothing seems to confuse my cat as much as bubbles.

Perhaps we should have some cat-equivalent to Jilli-font. We could call it Hec-font.

I know I need too. I'm determined to. And I also know I'm lucky I can confront my parents with this and they'll do what is necessary. And we'll all do that. I hope we're lucky that in most of those issues, we agree. I think. Hence the need for The Conversation. I don't want to alienate Mom, Dad or my brother in something so awful.

But man, it's morbid.

how are you feeling regarding the diet mods?

Tired. It's going to take a lot lot lot less eating of other people's cooking, and taking away wheat and cheese takes away most of my lazy food. And it'll be at least a couple weeks before I can really assess the impact--on anything other than my tiredness at cooking all the damned time. Not only is it on me to cook, but it has to be a pretty daily thing. Shouldn't do too much in advance.