Which question is that?

What the fuck are we supposed to do if you become physically and/or mentally incapacitated? Retirement home? Us? Hospice? What is your view on the whole living will thing? What are your lines in the sand, medically? What about your finances? Who controls them? What is the status of them? What is your ideal? What do you expect of us, your kids?

I've been my parents medical and financial executor, briefly, because my parents hadn't updated the will in too many years and my brother was still a theoretical being in it (I yelled at them to fix that.) I knew what it was for, and it was temporary. I vaguely know the state of the finances. The long term stuff is harder. I need to make sure that my brother and I are on the same page for the dire circumstances stuff.

I know that it's difficult but you need to talk about these things. I can't stress that enough.

Because having your parents get sick? Sucks. Having them die? Sucks even more. Knowing that you did exactly what they would have wanted you to do? Priceless.

In more boring cat news: Nothing seems to confuse my cat as much as bubbles.

Perhaps we should have some cat-equivalent to Jilli-font. We could call it Hec-font.

I know I need too. I'm determined to. And I also know I'm lucky I can confront my parents with this and they'll do what is necessary. And we'll all do that. I hope we're lucky that in most of those issues, we agree. I think. Hence the need for The Conversation. I don't want to alienate Mom, Dad or my brother in something so awful.

But man, it's morbid.

how are you feeling regarding the diet mods?

Tired. It's going to take a lot lot lot less eating of other people's cooking, and taking away wheat and cheese takes away most of my lazy food. And it'll be at least a couple weeks before I can really assess the impact--on anything other than my tiredness at cooking all the damned time. Not only is it on me to cook, but it has to be a pretty daily thing. Shouldn't do too much in advance.

I know that it's difficult but you need to talk about these things. I can't stress that enough.

I have been putting off The Conversation with my parents for a while now. The last time it was obliquely mentioned, Dad just smiled and said "I'm not planning on dying". Which is a plan I TOTALLY SUPPORT, but still. Probably should have The Conversation with them.

Jilli, we could probably sit our Dads down together. Not useful to The Conversation, but I suspect they are of the same stubborn ilk.

We'll get them, eventually.

I had the discussion with my sister when she was here over Christmas, and at least told her she should get her shit in order, and to ask if the 'rents ever let their wishes be known in passing.

But that's nowhere near enough. My father wants to set me up as executor of his will, and even that feels like admitting it.

When I first brought it up to my Dad, I used the tactic of asking him to be my pull-the-plug person. How we all need to think about these things, etc.

I have The Conversation with my folks fairly regularly. It's problematic: they're in Florida and they don't want to move because it's cheaper there and my mother's cousins live nearby. But the kids are no closer than DC (We're in DC, Chicago, and NorCal), which makes helping them in case of illness or accident really difficult. They're 76 and 80, and one broken ankle from near-disaster, as far as I can tell.

They seem to have planned pretty well financially, but I worry about them and the logistics of caring for them when they become unable to live independently--which, frankly, will be in the next few years.

Argh.