I just went to consolidate some student loans, and they offered me a rate of twice what I have now on the separate loans. Granted, my credit's only recently cleared of a shitload of fraud, and they wanted me to confirm my income, but I wasn't sure if that would affect the rate or what, so I didn't bother. @@

Bad day. My sister's 9 year old mini schnauzer [Link] had two major seizures and remains at the emergency vet for evaluation. Karen adopted Teeny four years ago after Teeny was rescued in a cruelty case. She's had numerous health issues, but nothing this serious before.

I'm just so sick of struggling and struggling with every single area of my life, money, job, writing, family, friendships, and never, EVER seeing a light and the end of the tunnel. I want a VICTORY, dammit. I could live with a blah career and not being published yet awhile longer if I wasn't being crushed by all this debt. I could put up with the debt and the blah job if I could only sell a book. If only I loved my job being in debt and unpublished wouldn't feel like such damning failures. Etc.

I'm BETTER than this. So why won't anything ever improve no matter how hard I fight for it?

Wow - a mere 0.32% separates Hilary, Edwards and Obama....

So far it's damn close

and yet - Brian Williams just broke in to say Obama was ahead?

Maybe that's exit polling? I think Obama's been ahead in exit polls for a while....

So why won't anything ever improve no matter how hard I fight for it?

Maybe because you don't see improvement until you can say everything's all better. Just because you didn't get the loan you were hoping for doesn't mean you can't pay off your debt.

Well, it makes it harder, on a variety of levels. I mean, do we go for the drastic credit counseling option that takes away our credit cards and, I believe, leaves a permanent demerit on our financial history? Do we just live with the high interest rates and do the thing where you pay them off one at a time? I don't know, because THIS was supposed to be my solution.

It's just...it's been so long since I've felt like I've had anything to rejoice in, and the things that started well keep turning sour or not coming through. Every time I think I've FINALLY found something good, it falls apart on me, and I'm getting angry about it because the only other option is to just give up, and I don't want to do THAT, but...how can anyone work as hard as I've been working for YEARS and never have any good luck?

Obama's pulling away in the "precincts reporting" thingie... he's ahead by about 2.7%.

Sorry to be all upset and a downer...I just thought this might work out after all, and I'm having to talk myself into keeping up the fight.

ETA it's not as grim as that sounds. Giving up would just be saying, "Oh well, I'll never be published, I'll never be out of debt, and I'll never have a good job, so I'll just stop trying to make things better and just accept that authorship, home ownership, ever getting back to Europe, and a retirement where I'm not a half-starved cat lady are not in my cards." Keeping up the fight=refusing to live a life of quite desperation.