The lighting on [link] is just great.

Especially considering that's an iphone photo.

ita, I'm glad you got a nice doc. I hope you got a bit of relief this time.

Allyson, it's easy to forget that kind of thing when you're missing your family. I made it a policy when I was younger to ask my family to avoid some of the more inflamatory things they say around me and they do, for the most part, refrain from the worst bigoted, racist and homophobic things when we're around. As I got older, I realized that I can't change their minds, just ask them to respect my opinions, too.

I did have to ask my brother in law, point blank, not to use the words, "nigger", "spic" and "fag" in front of my children--EVER. He's so far, complied.

Still, it's mind-boggling that these things are said by people I love and respect. I. just. don't. get. it.

My uncle got a very nice obituary. I decided not to try to risk driving with the kids into snowy weather to attend his funeral.

Bacon salt is fantastic in black eyed peas!

Seriously, Cashmere. If I could get them to stop saying faggot, I'd feel better. But I can't stop them from saying it when I'm not here.

And I don't know why my mom sits silently by and says nothing.

It's disturbing. And it stings. I feel slapped in the face every time I hear it.

Jesus, I can't even imagine. Yikes.

I made a deal with my mother a few years back that I would politely ignore a lot of what my uncle says in that vein, but both/either of us will say something if he uses the N word, and I get to say something if he uses fag/faggot.

Mt father started in on a story about how his mom used to read Uncle Remus stories in dialect to elementary school children and how when people started being bothered he just doesn't get it. "It's historical" yadda yadda yadda. "People have been speaking like that for years AND the kids loved it."

not even really thinking about arguments on either side I absolutely HAD to say. "Well people did minstrals for years and the general population loved them too, but I would hope that you would not defend them, what with you having AN AFRICAN GRANDCHILD and all."

I have a whole part of my family that does not get the point of, if the people/country/heritage being depicted is offended AND if that is coupled by the depiction being done by someone NOT from that peoples/country/heritage - then can't we all just consider that it is not so much our place. I mean really.

I'm not saying I don't have racists or whatever in my family, but it doesn't come out casually. A personal favorite story of mine is showing my prom pictures to my grandmother and her sister. My date was black. My great-aunt was like, "I just don't think it's right for our family..." (My grandmother came from a Very Good Family.) My grandmother was like, Whatever, STFU. (Paraphrased.)

My family is fractious and contentious enough that my response is likely to be the most muted if racism or homophobia breaks out. Which takes the strain off, I guess. But it's not trivial to assume that relatives may not want to rile us...may want to make sure we don't go off spouting that gay-loving miscegenating stuff.

Family is hard, when you can't just leave them by the roadside. Especially when they're growing new people.

My sister's about to wrap up two weeks here, and we haven't quite fought which is a hell of an accomplishment. Just letting it go does pay off sometimes. Being tired may have an upside.

But she has to let me play Upwords against her! She's in the middle of a low self esteem bout and so doesn't want to lose (and, I am way too old to lose to make the younger sister feel better) so she's trying to avoid it. I thought this visit was supposed to be all about me.

It's weird to see, with us both so old now, that she still looks up to me. She considers herself a failed academician, with two Cambridge degrees in pocket, but when she looks at my lack of ambition she sees someone who doesn't try because she knows she'll succeed, so why bother.

Families are crazy strange.