Seriously, Cashmere. If I could get them to stop saying faggot, I'd feel better. But I can't stop them from saying it when I'm not here.

And I don't know why my mom sits silently by and says nothing.

It's disturbing. And it stings. I feel slapped in the face every time I hear it.

Jesus, I can't even imagine. Yikes.

I made a deal with my mother a few years back that I would politely ignore a lot of what my uncle says in that vein, but both/either of us will say something if he uses the N word, and I get to say something if he uses fag/faggot.

Mt father started in on a story about how his mom used to read Uncle Remus stories in dialect to elementary school children and how when people started being bothered he just doesn't get it. "It's historical" yadda yadda yadda. "People have been speaking like that for years AND the kids loved it."

not even really thinking about arguments on either side I absolutely HAD to say. "Well people did minstrals for years and the general population loved them too, but I would hope that you would not defend them, what with you having AN AFRICAN GRANDCHILD and all."

I have a whole part of my family that does not get the point of, if the people/country/heritage being depicted is offended AND if that is coupled by the depiction being done by someone NOT from that peoples/country/heritage - then can't we all just consider that it is not so much our place. I mean really.

I'm not saying I don't have racists or whatever in my family, but it doesn't come out casually. A personal favorite story of mine is showing my prom pictures to my grandmother and her sister. My date was black. My great-aunt was like, "I just don't think it's right for our family..." (My grandmother came from a Very Good Family.) My grandmother was like, Whatever, STFU. (Paraphrased.)

My family is fractious and contentious enough that my response is likely to be the most muted if racism or homophobia breaks out. Which takes the strain off, I guess. But it's not trivial to assume that relatives may not want to rile us...may want to make sure we don't go off spouting that gay-loving miscegenating stuff.

Family is hard, when you can't just leave them by the roadside. Especially when they're growing new people.

My sister's about to wrap up two weeks here, and we haven't quite fought which is a hell of an accomplishment. Just letting it go does pay off sometimes. Being tired may have an upside.

But she has to let me play Upwords against her! She's in the middle of a low self esteem bout and so doesn't want to lose (and, I am way too old to lose to make the younger sister feel better) so she's trying to avoid it. I thought this visit was supposed to be all about me.

It's weird to see, with us both so old now, that she still looks up to me. She considers herself a failed academician, with two Cambridge degrees in pocket, but when she looks at my lack of ambition she sees someone who doesn't try because she knows she'll succeed, so why bother.

Families are crazy strange.

In less disturbing news, we purchased a new tv and entertainment system today.

Pioneer 50" plasma, surround sound and PS3. Geek Squad won't be able to install and hook up for two weeks but I'm fairly excited about it.

My brother's inlaws, well, um. They consider themselves so much more enlightened than THEIR parents WRT to prejudices of various ilk. Which, truth be told, they are eons better. But still ridiculous. Brother & SIL have told them that if certain words or attitude ever come from their kids, they'll know where it comes from and it will be bad. Honestly, I don't know how SIL avoided incorporating it- maybe it was learned in the Army, maybe just her.

Damn.

Prescribing gap may leave blacks in more pain

Study shows minorities are less likely to get narcotics from ER doctors

Emergency room doctors are prescribing strong narcotics more often to patients who complain of pain, but minorities are less likely to get them than whites, a new study finds.

Even for the severe pain of kidney stones, minorities were prescribed narcotics such as oxycodone and morphine less frequently than whites.

The analysis of more than 150,000 emergency room visits over 13 years found differences in prescribing by race in both urban and rural hospitals, in all U.S. regions and for every type of pain.

That article makes me feel kind of sick.

Today's ER visit went well. The doctor is familiar with me, and apologised for not knowing my dosages off the top of his head, and let me dictate how much of each medicine, narcotic or not. It was a very successful mission, and I'm pain free and comfortable right now, while not under the influence, which is my modest goal.

The last visit started out with reluctance, but I ended up with a doctor who trusted me personally, and another who just wanted to know, from my lips, what worked in the past so he could duplicate it.

I don't want to malign either of the hospitals--the prevalent concern of me stopping breathing is a laudable one. I just don't know why sometimes it's complicated and sometimes it's not.