Totally all right. Good to know there are connections elsewhere if I decide to pursue this sort of non-math thing in the future, anyway. How does one break into producing, I wonder?

The resume looks good to me, Gris. I'd say you succeeded in making the emphasis shift quite nicely.

t pathetic mememe I'm in a state of quandary. Early this morning my former BIL invited me and mine to dinner at his home tomorrow. He probably invited me earlier and his email got lost in spam somewhere. The invitees include several family members of my late husband and several close friends. I love all of them and rarely see them. Some I haven't seen in years. Part of me wants to go and see old loved ones and let them meet my husband and children. (BIL we still see, but the others not so much) Another part of me feels like it is a family gathering and I'm not in that family anymore. Another part of me knows that I am 60 pounds heavier then when most of these people saw me last, and they will all talk about how fat Laura got behind my back. Another part of me knows they love me and aren't going to judge me that way. So I haven't responded because I don't know what I really want to do. t /pathetic mememe

edit because although pathetic grammar must be right

That's hard, Laura. My advice, though, is to go: I think that you'll regret missing the opportunity more than any possible negatives you'll experience being there. And if it is less than ideal, at least you'll know that it doesn't work for you to be in that zone anymore, so the quandary won't reappear in the future.

Laura, you are the sexy cool super wonderfulness at any weight. Don't let that stop you from seeing people you love.

::hopes he doesn't have to wait until Laura likes her weight before he sees her again::

I'm with Gris. I have been feeling like Fatty Bumbatty lately and it has made me less inclined to see folks I haven't seen in a while. If it's any comfort, the judgmental voices shut up once I actually see the folks and the essential human connection takes over. Your wonderful, radiant, smart, funny Laura-ness is what folks will see and remember.

Aww, thanks guys. I'm not usually this insecure, but in a bit of a funk because none of my holiday type clothes fit me anymore. It is a casual bathing suits and shorts type thing, so not like I have to wear a little black dress or something. I just don't know if I am up to it. It has been 20 years since Stephen died and most of these people I have only seen at weddings and funerals since that time. Ugh, I keep typing and backspacing because I hate how I sound. They are a great bunch of fun loving super people and for some reason I am forgetting this part and only remembering that they are all thin and rich when compared to me. Ugh again. What I need is to spend less time with my brain.

Or more time with us!

Hee. Right you are. Ok, I'm going to suck it up, or in as the case may be and attend. I Will Not be wearing a bathing suit. I did have to share his email, because funny..

In case you've forgot we're serving dinner about 4pm at my house, (Mike time might mean closer to 5pm), tomorrow, Sunday, 12/30, with the idea of people showing up about 2pm and going home about 7pm. We are trying to get an approximate head count, so if you've not already replied, or can't remember, or merely enjoy responding to emails - let me know if you or others are coming, .... or not. I know the Dolphins are playing (or losing) at 1pm and realize that for some masochists this could be a problem, but the the TV will be tuned to the game and if you drive fast you'll only miss a few Bengal scores, or you could come early. We hope to see you tomorrow, and bringing kids is a good idea, dress is casual, bathing suits are optional, but don't tell Tuthill, because I told him formal.

Laura--the fact that you have those negative feelings and you are aware of it and you are honest about it even if it costs you and you are able to enjoy a funny email and share it is all good. I just love the whole Laura package.

Thank you for the help. I'll let you know how it goes. (unless I chicken out) Eeeep.

Now I am off to watch the demon barber, in a dark theater!