I learned to drive on a manual, but I've been driving an automatic for the last , good lord, 15 years, can that be right? Anyway, I can still drive a stick when I need to, but it takes a bit before it feels natural. And then, of course, switching back to the automatic feels weird.

Hooray house for Plei! Hope the old house sells fast.

Nice to see you, askye!

Oooo! Have fun learning to drive, jars!

I was actually angry at my parents for not teaching me to drive manual (dad had to drive trucks for his dad's business, and he HATED manual, so he thought he was doing me a favor). Shortly after I got my license, I babysat a friend's boyfriend's truck, which was manual. She taught me in less than 10 minutes, and off I went. I knew it was my one true transmission.

Two years later when I went to buy my own car, I insisted on stick. My dad was mortified. But, then we test-drove the car I was in love with, and he was amazed at how much I'd remembered from basically two years earlier, and he told me to go for it.

After the pregnant rollerskate died, I got an automatic, and I've missed my stick shift ever since.

My parents joke that buying cars with manual transmission was the way we kids rebelled (both of my brothers also prefer manual--B's car is a manual; J's current is not). Well, that and preferring liturgical churches. We're such rebels, I tell you!

Lots of house~ma to you Ple!

I have the time now to explain some things. I'm not throwing you guys over for Second life, but I have been spending time there and it's turning out to be a rather theraputic thing for me. As I reach a closer to healthy state where I'm able to handle minor issues that come up without the initial thought of "flee! sabatoge myself! run away~" I'm able to actually have a rahter nice life but also realize other things that have been too much to deal with. Like the fact I keep a barrier between myself and most people out of fear of rejection. Especially people I really like and respect because I'm so afraid of being rejected. And this ins't a abstract thing for me. There have been at least two occasions in my formative years when I was told to my face that "we don't want you around, please don't hang out with us" and that was very scarring to an extent I'm just realizing. Looking back I can see that, yeah, I porbably wouldn't have wanted to hang out with me either but it was scarring.

So I've held on to that and lived with that fear that people I like and groups I want to be around are at most tolerating me but will probably pull me aside at some point and say "um, yeah, don't come back."

I have definitely kept myself on the sidelines for a lot when it comes tot he Buffistas partly out of that. But also because I'm not really sure how to begin and sustain friendships. and I've spent an awful lot of time either lurking or being passive.

That doesn't work well in SEcond life Because there's an avatar and it looks creepy if you hang out and don't do say anything. So I've been learning how to go to a club or a bar or some other social situation and get to know people and make small talk and then take steps from there. It helps that I can retype what I want to say until I get it right but also I can flee (and claim a Second Life crash) if I need to and I did that at first but not anymore.

I can also do things with people =- go to a club or explore a different area or just hang out on someone's couch and talk ----a ll the things that are kinds of mysteries to me in real life.

(and gee I really feel like I sound like a loser) but one thing I'm learning is people like me. I mean I know you guys like me but I have friends that IM me and say "come join us"! or "I miss you! when are you coming by?" and that's really new to me.

Um,I also have minions. Which started as a lark but yeah I have minions, which again is really weird for me.

But I'm realizing that I am likable. I'm really slow on the uptake sometimes and I've been away from the b.org because I can't really post at work and then there's a lot of posts when I get home. But mostly I think I need a bit of a break so I can experiement a bit with myself (and didn't that sound porny).

I hope this all makes sense. I've gotten some emails and I will respond to them and I plan on being more active in my live journal.

Also I realized that I really shut down the past few months at my last job in way I didn't realize and I feel like I'm coming out of a long hibernation from that.

Anyway I hope that this made sense.

Poptarts:

Yay, PMM! Good luck!

Nothing to see here. Link gone poof.

That house is so adorable!

Oh, Plei, it's GORGEOUS!

and gee I really feel like I sound like a loser

Oh, honey. SO not. I'm glad you're getting this experience and are able to start seeing yourself the way we see you. Mwah!

That house kicks some serious ass, Plei.

But they are helping to feed my child, and it's impossible to walk away from that.

Ain't that the truth.

(Signed, health coverage for my kid is the only thing that makes the bullshit:enjoyment ratio of this job worth it some days.)

Plei, the house looks gorgeous!

(Signed, sometimes wishes I lived in a city with Actual Houses! With Yards!)