bonny, thank you for sharing. As to your experience with the support group, I once dropped out of one because I felt it was encouraging me (and possibly the others) to keep the outlook of being victims. With all the talk of being "survivors" we were still talking about things that had happened TO us rather than what we were DOING. So ... I chose another way to go. And it was better for me.

t baseball

Dave Niehaus finally wins the Frick Award! [link]

t /baseball

And happy birthday Beverly! may it be full of shiny things!

I had a coworker whose husband died- they knew it was going to happen - they found out he was HIV positive just before they got married. ( this was still in the earlier days) . she went to a support group after his death, but left it pretty quickly because they were encouraging her to wallow and mourn - and the major thing she had learned from her life with her husband - was to keep going/doing , because you don't know how much time you have.

I had my first therapy session today. I like the therapist. Don't like therapy. Hope I can actually do the work and make it better. Less about the jackass, more about other stuff. The part that makes me want to hide or shirk thinks it was useless. The rest of me hopes that part doesn't win.

All of me hopes to not cry on my patients today.

Not to speak for her, but erika has also talked about some of the negative effects - particularly the validating stasis - that can occur in support groups.

we were still talking about things that had happened TO us rather than what we were DOING.

Very much this.

That same minister I mentioned above did a talk on how taking the words 'to me' off the end of our accusatory statements would make life so much easier.

I can't believe you did that to me!

becomes

I can't believe you did that!

A subtle distinction, I suppose, but a useful one for making way for something more powerful.

The newest chapter of my book is "what we can't let be okay is what is standing in our way". By NO means excusing bad behavior, but, rather focusing on what value you can get from your experience. Without doing so...kinda makes the suffering a waste...you know?

Happpy Birthday, Beverly!

{{Nora}}

Thanks for sharing that, bonny. You certainly do have perspective and I appreciate it a great deal.

Liv had her hearing checked today (just fine) and then we dropped Owen off at school and voted. She's covered with stickers from "I had my hearing checked" and "I voted." Those poll ladies are always suckers for her.

She was also carrying the wee, red, white and blue donkey Ginger gave Owen so that was especially charming. That thing rides around with us everywhere during election years.

The rest of me hopes that part doesn't win.

Go team this part! it's easy for me to say that it's worth it because I'd be dead now without it. But what I will say is...you don't have to buy into the notion that therapy is, by definition, hard. We really do have the capacity to observe our lives in a constructive way without re-wounding ourselves with memory. May your journey be a rich and frultful one.