I feel MM's pain. I get

Customer: Hi.
Me: Hello, customer
Customer: I have a problem with your program.

Pause while I wait for explanation and he waits for my telepathy to reveal his problem to me.

Customer: Are you there?
Me: not saying "I'm here, I'm not sure about you" nor saying simply "Yes." No, I have to be professional and say, "What problem are you having, customer?"

Customers, please! Don't be the person who the tech people are telling their office neighbors about! For your own sense of self-worth, stop giving us ammunition!

Pause while I wait for explanation and he waits for my telepathy to reveal his problem to me.

What is it with the telepathy thing? I do not know who you are or why you called or who you are calling. Stop. It.

Ugh, it's so cold and dry outside that I sprung a spontaneous nosebleed while on the bus going to therapy.

I balanced that out with going to the Indian buffet place afterward. NOM!

Also, faves from web customer svc:

The website is broken. Let me know when you've fixed the problem.

- er, our website has thousands of possible pages. could you be more specific?

There's a typo on the calendar page.

- and (1) see above. (2) turns out You Made The Typo when you entered the event. And you can log in and fix it. Yourself.

I got an error message. Just wanted to let you know.

- hey, Thanks! Next time, sending the error message would be helpful too.

I got an error message. Just wanted to let you know.

- hey, Thanks! Next time, sending the error message would be helpful too.

Seriously, is a screen print so hard? Or writing down the error message?

Do you guys have the show How to Look Good Naked yet? I heart it.

Or writing down the error message?

they're getting better at this - I've taught several copy>paste. It's more that there are 1 1/2 of us running about 30 modules for 200 in-house clients and then the rest of the community. Plus ecom and n registration points at various times. We don't get a lot of errors, and we have our own set of alerts. But, especially when they have the information right in front of them, headlined with "please send this information to [this email address]" (if they're in-house), stopping to track down what and where is a pain. Our telepathy being broken and all.

I keep having people who call me, I say "hello" (or, at work, my name, often with "how may I help you?").

Then, looooong pause.

After a while the person on the other hand says "are you there?"

At work, I'll repeat my name. At home, since that's usually an indication that it's a telemarketer or some such, I hang up.

Some people shouldn't be allowed any communication device more complicated than two cups and a piece of string. A short piece of string. Or maybe semaphore flags.

I got an email telling me that I won a $50 gift card to Best Buy for participating in a Tivo survey (which I did). I am, however, suspicious. The prize form seems innocuous enough, doesn't ask for SSN or anything. Am I just being paranoid?

I wouldn't click on any links in that email, but if it's legit you should be able to go to bestbuy.com and enter in some kind of claim code.