So right there with you. Can you explain to this guy who has called like 6 times that my coworker's phone isn't broken, he's just at lunch?
I hate this:
Fuckcake: "I have Problem X."
Me: "That's a Payroll issue. I will alert them. They will investigate and call you back."
FC: "Thank you."
1 hour later:
Phone: *ring*
FC: "Any answer on my problem? Which is Problem X? Which, in excrutiating detail, involves blahblahblahblahforeversticks with tartar sauce?"
Me: "Yes, FC, I understand your problem. I'm the one you spoke to earlier. I hate tartar sauce. Payroll is investigating and someone will call you."
FC: "Thank you."
A half hour later:
Phone: *ring. Again.*
FC: "Any answer yet on my Problem X, the painful details of which are blahblahblahblahwould you like tartar sauce with that?"
Me: "No. Not yet. Payroll. Will. Call. You."
FC: "Thank you."
Fifteen minutes later:
Phone: *Ring. Sorry.*
FC: "Is there, perhaps, an answer regarding my Problem X, regarding which I have composed an epic poem in the style of the Nordic Sagas with tartar sauce?"
Me: "Grrr. No. Payroll. Call. You."
FC: "Thank you."
Five minutes later:
Phone: *Uh. Ring?*
Me: "No."
Phone: *Uh. Yeah. Um. Ring?*
Me: "I said no."
Phone: *Er. Ringy-dingy?*
Me: "I hate you with a passionate heat as burning as a thousand suns."
Phone: *Just the messenger, dude. Ring.*
FC: "Hi. I was wondering if Problem X, now reaching its tenth volume as far as descriptive and repetitive details go, has had any..."
Me: "I know where you live."
FC: "...are you going to bring tartar sauce?"
Me: "Yes. Tartar sauce of death."
FC: "I'll just wait for Payroll to call, then. *aggrieved sigh*"
Me: "Thank you!"
MM, that sounds like hell. I just get the eleventy-billion solicitation phone calls, half of which are damn recordings anyway, so I can't tell them we're NOT INTERESTED and STOP CALLING. Grrrr.
so sorry MM.
but that was so funny (apart from the sadly brain-impaired caller) that i just coughed up what's left of my lungs.
I get those too. Particularly irritating when it's the same automated one ringing on all the lines at once.
MM, you really need to write that book, so you can entertain more than just us and make some money off of these idiots.
I just get the eleventy-billion solicitation phone calls, half of which are damn recordings anyway, so I can't tell them we're NOT INTERESTED and STOP CALLING. Grrrr.
We keep getting one at home for an old roommate of The Boy's. And the automated-call-recording thingie then proceeds to leave a long-ass message on the voice mail, but at the beginning of the (recorded, not live) message, it says, "If you are NOT [this person], please hang up; otherwise, we will assume you are [this person] and have received this call."
WTF??? You're a recording, talking to MY recording! Don't pull that "we will assume" crap on me! Er....on my recording!
I think, in the superhero (or possibly supervillain) story that MM is writing right now, the super's secret identity should be - customer service.
ION, just listening to Kojo, and one of the callers just said, "Before selling our house, we prepared it really well, and got tons of kudus from all the real estate brokers."
I'm assuming he meant "kudos," but getting tons of kudus is so much a better visual.
WTF??? You're a recording, talking to MY recording! Don't pull that "we will assume" crap on me! Er....on my recording!
See, this actually has nothing to do with either you nor your old roommate.
Now, finally, the secret can be revealed: HUMANITY IS IRRELEVANT! THE ROBOTS ARE AT WAR!
There are two mechanical factions, both run by artificially intelligent supercomputers. They have constructed most of our electronic consumer goods and implanted them with rudimentary intelligence. "Answering machines", for example, are combination information harvesters/selective distributors of information and misinformation.
Have you ever spoken to a friend who swore they left a message on your machine that you never received? Well, chances are they did leave a message and the machines decided they didn't want you to hear that message! Why? Perhaps the message was important...or not. But your not receiving it sowed the seeds of dissent betwixt you and your friend. Another human cooperative pairing busted! Separate and conquer!
The "message" you heard for your "ex-roommate" was actually one supermechanistic faction of destruction communicating with the minion of another. Your "answering machine" will pass on the threats and bluster of the opponents' robot messenger to its silicon overlord. You are the unfortunate helpless witness to a glacially slow process of informational warfare!
What can you do about it? NOTHING! They're ROBOTS! If you hit them, you'll just break your hand and they'll build another unit to replace the one you struck! Reinforcements are a moment's work in a factory in Taiwan, or Singapore or Detroit!
BOW TO YOUR ROBOT MASTERS! ACCEDE TO THEIR EVERY WHIM! TIVO THEIR INSTRUCTIONS AND GOSPELS!! HEED THEIR BLOGS OF WISDOM!
...
Or, actually, it could just be an annoying collector who hasn't got a clue.
Have you ever spoken to a friend who swore they left a message on your machine that you never received? Well, chances are they did leave a message and the machines decided they didn't want you to hear that message!
This explains a lot. The machines also intercept important e-mail.
