People really don't seem to get why I don't want to spend the equivalent of a downpayment on a house on a wedding.

Well, if it means that much to them you should offer to let them pay for it.

I had lunch with my aunt today, who really is a great person, but she completely stressed me out about wedding plans. People really don't seem to get why I don't want to spend the equivalent of a downpayment on a house on a wedding.

Ugh, I'm sorry you got stressed out. I think Toddson is right- just be pleasant and sort of tune them out and do what feels right for you and TCG.

People really don't seem to get why I don't want to spend the equivalent of a downpayment on a house on a wedding.

Vague is your friend when discussing wedding plans with people whose advice you don't want.

Unfortunately, the wedding industry is set up with the assumption that you'll be spending a downpayment, so you'll be faced with a lot of people who won't believe it when you say, "No, I don't wanna."

I would love for someone to say that they're putting the time, effort, and money into the marriage rather than the wedding.

So, our apartment just filled with a very strong smell of smoke. So much so that I was a little worried that some random spark had flown dog-only-knows how far, and set a nearby roof on fire. Or even just that some nearby unit or building had caught fire for some other reason.

Turns out our neighbor is grilling.

Trudy, they already have that part figured out, I should just have my mother pay for all of it and not worry about it. Truthfully, I do know that my mother spoils me and will probably be very generous, but I would rather some of that generosity went toward a honeymoon or helping us toward a house.

Part of the problem is I really don't know what I want. I keep flip flopping between a wedding with friends and family and eloping.

Elope, come home, and have a party?

I would love for someone to say that they're putting the time, effort, and money into the marriage rather than the wedding.

This is why I love premarital counseling so much! The day is nice, the lifetime is more important.

I just heard somewhere that you can register for help with a mortgage. Frankly, I find that way more romantic (...a cottage for two, etc.) than nine blenders. Every little bit helps.

I know my mother would object to me registering for a mortgage because she hates the idea of registering for a honeymoon.

In the past month, I've gone to (2) 'weddings' where the bride and groom have a very private ceremony (one on the beach with just 3 folks+ officiator; the other on the balcony of a friends place that overlooks a lagoon in San Diego). The invites said something to the effect of "come celebrate our wedding". It was all reception and lil wedding. Screw all the flowers and decorating at the location. no worries about the nice limo ride to the reception. No putting on a big show. As one groom put it "my job is to help people stand up and lie in front of big groups. The last thing I want is for my wedding to feel like that. I just wanted a small private, romantic thing that I could profess my love to [bride]". It was kinda like an elopement with a party immediately after. Best of both worlds!