Trudy, they already have that part figured out, I should just have my mother pay for all of it and not worry about it. Truthfully, I do know that my mother spoils me and will probably be very generous, but I would rather some of that generosity went toward a honeymoon or helping us toward a house.

Part of the problem is I really don't know what I want. I keep flip flopping between a wedding with friends and family and eloping.

Elope, come home, and have a party?

I would love for someone to say that they're putting the time, effort, and money into the marriage rather than the wedding.

This is why I love premarital counseling so much! The day is nice, the lifetime is more important.

I just heard somewhere that you can register for help with a mortgage. Frankly, I find that way more romantic (...a cottage for two, etc.) than nine blenders. Every little bit helps.

I know my mother would object to me registering for a mortgage because she hates the idea of registering for a honeymoon.

In the past month, I've gone to (2) 'weddings' where the bride and groom have a very private ceremony (one on the beach with just 3 folks+ officiator; the other on the balcony of a friends place that overlooks a lagoon in San Diego). The invites said something to the effect of "come celebrate our wedding". It was all reception and lil wedding. Screw all the flowers and decorating at the location. no worries about the nice limo ride to the reception. No putting on a big show. As one groom put it "my job is to help people stand up and lie in front of big groups. The last thing I want is for my wedding to feel like that. I just wanted a small private, romantic thing that I could profess my love to [bride]". It was kinda like an elopement with a party immediately after. Best of both worlds!

While I'm on this rant some of the wedding magazine writers are on the bad crack.

I recommend stepping slowly away from the wedding magazines. However, you may want to temper that with the feedback of someone who has actually planned a wedding.

Vague is your friend when discussing wedding plans with people whose advice you don't want.

OR, you can mention locations that have the word "Smallpox" and "Pigs" in them. And make sure your officiant has an unusual name, like Flip, and used to party with your cousin's DH. That usually shuts everyone up.

sj - my advice is to do what you want and keep it as simple as you want. I'm with Sparky. If I'd stayed vague, I would have been much happier and less stressed.

I recommend stepping slowly away from the wedding magazines. However, you may want to temper that with the feedback of someone who has actually planned a wedding.

Run far, FAR away from the wedding magazines. Their whole purpose is to get you to spend insane amounts of money.

ION, I am suddenly very excited for Thanksgiving! We were originally going to have my parents and grandmother up to our place, but yesterday, my grandmother asked if we would consider moving the dinner to her place- much easier for her. I agreed, and today not only did I make a reservation at a nice cozy hotel nearby Grandma (as opposed to the Holiday Inn Express next to the highway) but a really good friend of mine is having Thanksgiving in CT and he and his wife will (hopefully) be staying at the same hotel! So, I'm really excited.

Bear in mind this is the same Nora who tends to wail and gnash teeth about the holidays. Yay!