I'm having a Bad Mommy moment, only it's not so much that I think I'm actually a Bad Mommy as that I sort of resent the unwritten requirements for Good Mommyness.

You see, I'm not crafty. Not in the least. And I'm satisfied with that. I mean, it might be nice to be able to embroider or sew, and I certainly wish I could draw beyond stick people. (I don't get scrapbooking, though. All my sisters-in-law are obsessed with it, and it just baffles me.) But I don't sit around beating myself up over it. We can't all be good at everything, and I like writing and singing a lot better anyway. Actually, that's far too weak a statement. I love writing. I need to write. Singing is an abiding joy. But I loathe sewing and crafty things. Back when I couldn't avoid doing them, they always made me feel tense and clumsy.

But Mommies are supposed to make costumes and help kids with craft projects and so on. I mean, I'm stressing out that Annabel is going to have the worst shepherd costume at the Christmas pageant, and I'm just annoyed by the whole thing, because I don't want Annabel to look shabby and neglected, but I can't sew, I can't make things, I don't want to learn because I hated every attempt that was forced on me as a kid, and I'm resentful that it seems to be a Mommy Requirement. I mean, I love Annabel. I take care of her. I tell her stories, read her books, sing her songs, tell her how the world works, talk to her about everything and nothing, and so on. Why is visual artistry also a requirement?

Why is visual artistry also a requirement?

If that's a requirement, my mom SO missed the memo! I'm suing!

And on a more productive note, is there a mom who is more crafty and enjoys it that you could ask to help you? I would think that if you provided the materials, you might find someone eager to help. Those crafty types like showing off their skills.

And on a more productive note, is there a mom who is more crafty and enjoys it that you could ask to help you? I would think that if you provided the materials, you might find someone eager to help. Those crafty types like showing off their skills.

That's a good idea, and another reason to do something I've determined to do anyway, which is actually get to know some of the other daycare parents, particularly the ones of Annabel's dearest friends. She wants to have a play date with her three best friends and invite them to our house, and I'm thinking, "OK, I've met Keawa's mother once, at that last dinner, but while I'm sure I've smiled and nodded at Eli's and Maya's parents coming in and out of the center, I have no idea which ones they are."

Susan, I think a lot of it's a holdover from the "good old days" when mothers stayed home and had time to hand-craft costumes. (Same goes for blithely sending kids home early on short notice.) You do the best you can.

You could do the old, "I know it's silly, but I'm worried about AB's costume - I want her to look great but I'm not very skilled in the sewing department" and see if you get a bite.

ETA: the "it's silly" part is to be self-deprecating, not that I actually think it's silly. I'd want my kid to look great, too!

Or you know, she wants to be a pirate shepherd. Maybe she could, um, commandeer a good costume.

Well, it's probably too late to do much this time, since the pageant is Friday. It's just frustrating, because they didn't give us information on what our kids would be doing till last week, and with more lead time I could've ordered or gone out and bought a good costume. In theory I guess I could have/should have anyway, but this time of year is insanely busy. DH has his work Christmas party this week and is up to his ears in cookie baking. My writers group Christmas party is tomorrow, and I'm much busier with choir than at any other time other than the run-up to Easter.

Susan, I think a lot of it's a holdover from the "good old days" when mothers stayed home and had time to hand-craft costumes. (Same goes for blithely sending kids home early on short notice.) You do the best you can.

I think this is true, and it's just maddening. I feel like I'm constantly running just to stay in place as it is just to make it to work every day, be a decent wife and mother, and make reasonable progress on my WIP. So I get into exaggerated panics over stuff like this because it takes me life from barely manageable to Too Damn Much, and it just pisses me off.

If it were me (I am also non-crafty), I'd ask the teacher at the beginning of the year (cause you know it's gonna happen again) if when costumes are needed, could a general announcement go out with a request that those who'd be willing to help other parents with costumes make themselves known? I still think that there are probably moms who would totally do this.

Well, it's probably too late to do much this time, since the pageant is Friday.

Part of my Mom's craftyness was just this sort of dilemma -- she had mad skills but she never got to use them.

A short-notice shepherds costume would be some sort of brown or dark robe, Dad's shirt, or possibly a length of fabric (she would wish for burlap here) that's, say, 2 yards long cut down the middle to the 1 yard point tied around me with something rope-y looking, a pillowcase (now she'd wish for a flower sack) tied to my head with more of that rope and a stuffed sheep stuck under my arm.