{{{bonny}}} strength and comfort for all of you. Also what an awesome gift. May your practice grow as big as your heart.

Thank you so much for the kind words d. I'm beginning to realize the scope of what I've promised (after a major anxiety dream last night) and am trying to imagine good outcomes for us all. Trying...as Yoda might say...is not doing. But I'm doing what I can.

Absolutely all the best to you, bonny, and my prayers are with your more-than-mom and her husband.

I'm assuming that of course Bartleby will go with you to assist you as best he can. How will he adjust to his new living situation? Fretting, or just content to be wherever you are?

Cereal: I've been playing Dylan blahblabla'ing for Matilda for the past five minutes. She just stares, riveted and darkly intent, and near the end she starts whispering, "blahblablablabla" along with him in deeply concerned, "c'mon, kid, you can do it!" tones.

Bless you JZ. Yes, Bartleby will be with me. Whither I goest...

He'll be the thing that keeps me sane, I'm sure.

He shouldn't be too fretful, though he really, really prefers home to all other places. As long as we are together, he's pretty zen. I'll take all his stuff (honestly, I pack more for him than I do for myself) and he should be okay.

Hopefully, we'll know more by the end of the week about Niki's condition and care needs. In a conversation last night with the relative who hipped me to the need for someone to take over their care, I committed to staying to the end of the year. Not sure what will happen then.

It strikes me that, even if Niki recovers fully, it will only be a matter of time before the question of care comes up again. I missed all this with my own parents.

near the end she starts whispering, "blahblablablabla"

Baby whispers...of cultural icons! I might just explode from the awesomeness of that.

Gah. Why do I keep having this bizarre convoluted nightmares about the 22 year old?? It's not fair!! The past two or three nights, I've had these whole plotty awful dreams! GRRRR. (I also had a work nightmare that didn't make any sense, wherein I'd somehow given up a lot to go back ot my OLD company in DC, who then told me we were all getting laid off shortly. Again.)

I wonder if there was a nightmare moon last night. I had a terrible, chasing, sword wielding (not in a fun way) dream about being trapped in some house I've never seen before. It took a huge effort to drag myself out of it and acknowledge that I was safe in my own home. Still feel a bit toxic.

I had nightmares about cleaning house. And moving furniture.

hey bonny, I don't think I typed my thoughts for you - but every one involved is in a tough place, and I wish you all the best.

Thank you beth. Each and every good thought is deeply appreciated.