Back in the 90s when I was part of a sextet consisting of three married couples, we had a couple of dear friends who we loved but who declined to participate in anything more sexual than the occasional drunken grope. He was straight and she was bi and they talked about maybe taking a female lover some day but they had some very firm specifications for such a girl. They had seen that with the joy of poly sometimes comes pain and so they decided it would be best if a potential lover was someone they both liked but did not have particularly strong feelings for.

I don't think the universe likes it when you make up your own rules about these sorts of things. They both fell madly in love with a girl and were soon as married as one can be without the blessings of the law.

I'm just saying: you might not want to tempt fate by stating out loud those things you don't think you're capable of.

One more before bedtime. I just ganked this post off B3ta by The Resident Loon. I lurved it so much I had to share:

My dirty little trick... I'll share with you one of my best secrets, the one that has been of more use to me than any other.

Ready?

My secret to getting people to do my bidding, which almost invariably works, is...

I ask nicely, with a smile, and say thank you after.

I smile a lot, and am polite to everyone, even if I'm a lot farther up the food chain than they are.

I speak gently to waiters, cashiers, janitors, security people, secretaries, and all of the underling types I come into contact with, as you can never tell when they might make your life a LOT easier simply because you treated them with respect. As a result, I tend to get people to do me an awful lot of favors, both great and small, and have a much easier time of things.

Now that I've told you this- don't tell anyone else, okay? I mean, imagine what would happen if everyone did this! Then where would we be?

I'm just saying: you might not want to tempt fate by stating out loud those things you don't think you're capable of.

...this wasn't addressed to me, was it?

Cook's Illustrated had a very good mufaletta recipe back in March (online only?), but you have to cheat on the bread unless you live in NOLA or know how to bake it yourself. (Theirs just uses a scooped-out flattened boule.)

{{{bonny}}} strength and comfort for all of you. Also what an awesome gift. May your practice grow as big as your heart.

Thank you so much for the kind words d. I'm beginning to realize the scope of what I've promised (after a major anxiety dream last night) and am trying to imagine good outcomes for us all. Trying...as Yoda might say...is not doing. But I'm doing what I can.

Absolutely all the best to you, bonny, and my prayers are with your more-than-mom and her husband.

I'm assuming that of course Bartleby will go with you to assist you as best he can. How will he adjust to his new living situation? Fretting, or just content to be wherever you are?

Cereal: I've been playing Dylan blahblabla'ing for Matilda for the past five minutes. She just stares, riveted and darkly intent, and near the end she starts whispering, "blahblablablabla" along with him in deeply concerned, "c'mon, kid, you can do it!" tones.

Bless you JZ. Yes, Bartleby will be with me. Whither I goest...

He'll be the thing that keeps me sane, I'm sure.

He shouldn't be too fretful, though he really, really prefers home to all other places. As long as we are together, he's pretty zen. I'll take all his stuff (honestly, I pack more for him than I do for myself) and he should be okay.

Hopefully, we'll know more by the end of the week about Niki's condition and care needs. In a conversation last night with the relative who hipped me to the need for someone to take over their care, I committed to staying to the end of the year. Not sure what will happen then.

It strikes me that, even if Niki recovers fully, it will only be a matter of time before the question of care comes up again. I missed all this with my own parents.

near the end she starts whispering, "blahblablablabla"

Baby whispers...of cultural icons! I might just explode from the awesomeness of that.

Gah. Why do I keep having this bizarre convoluted nightmares about the 22 year old?? It's not fair!! The past two or three nights, I've had these whole plotty awful dreams! GRRRR. (I also had a work nightmare that didn't make any sense, wherein I'd somehow given up a lot to go back ot my OLD company in DC, who then told me we were all getting laid off shortly. Again.)