Or you know, whatever. I figure adults should have whatever configuration suits them as long as everybody's chill with it and no one is being exploited.
Yep, this.
I don't want to speak for laga in terms of what being poly means to her, but I do know her very well and can say that she truly 100% loves the people she loves--she just falls in love with more than one person at once. She is scrupulously honest with her partners and is one of the most generous souls I know. (Not that anyone is implying otherwise. Just wanted to say that about her.)
Sorry for the vague term. I was thinking specifically about BitchPhd (whose URL is basically that) who has, what she calls, I think, an open marriage. From what I can tell, she has her husband, and at least one boyfriend whom she visits periodically. I've always thought of her and her husband as polyamorous, because in theory, they are both open to the other having relationships outside their primary one.
....I was about to start pulling a thread on what constitutes a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and what is just having sex with someone else who I see sometimes, but, ah...no. I don't think I really get to decide that.
I'll have to check out that book Tep!
If my DH is in a bad mood or grumpy or overtired, I have to remember, that although I am concerned or worried or sympathetic, I am not in the same mood. Or let his mood change my mood.
This is me.
It's hard for me to remember that sometimes if he's all stompy and cursey- that makes me tense, even if it's not directed at me.
I have the same issue with my coworkers.
I don't think I really get to decide that.
Yeah, I was trying to share my thoughts but then I just decided that it was getting too...awkward, I guess. The lawyer in me likes concrete defiintions but the world doesn't work that way.
Off to a way boring meeting...
Sorry I got kicked off. Right now I'm not in a relationship with anyone, but if I fell in love with someone who wanted me to commit to them exclusively I would not be able to promise that. For one thing because I still have loving (sometimes sexual) relationships with people outside the state.
Love and patience to all y'all -- I have to say, the whole poly conversation makes me thankful for the really comparatively simple clue-lacking-ness some people have about the bi-and-thoroughly-monogamous thing. (Yes, I like both boys and girls. No, that doesn't mean I'm some kind of marital flight risk. No, the fact that the person I fell for is male doesn't make me "actually straight" any more than I'd be "actually a lesbian" if I'd gone for a woman instead.)
the concept of polyamorous has a certain appeal. Mostly because on person can't answer all the needs of another. on a practical level , I'm not sure how it works. But that maybe because I can imagine too may either or situations
I don't want to speak for laga
KT you spoke for me quite well.
Yes poly is a very big catchall for everything from the guy who is monogamously in love with his wife who has other loves to the big old tribe who all love and fuck each other. I don't feel comfortable with the terms "primary" and "secondary" mostly because I don't like the idea of anyone I love being "secondary" but it is probably the most common configuration of poly relationships I have come across. Many poly couples only date as couples. I prefer to date individuals (who are also sometimes coupled). Also I forget who recommended Ethical Slut up there but I second the recommendation.
