That's what I meant. If I'm dating Bob, and then I meet Jim and have a connection with Jim, that Bob on some level shares and we all agree that we are in a romantic relationship we are polyamorous whether or not I've slept with Bob or Jim or they've slept with each other.

That's what I meant. If I'm dating Bob, and then I meet Jim and have a connection with Jim, that Bob on some level shares and we all agree that we are in a romantic relationship we are polyamorous whether or not I've slept with Bob or Jim or they've slept with each other.

Or if you're dating Bob, and then you develop a relationship with Jim, while Bob develops a relationship with Lucy, that's still polyamory even if you haven't had sex with Jim and Bob hasn't had sex with Lucy.

Er, that is to say, a poly situation doesn't have to be a reciprocal one, as in DJ's example.

Or if you're dating Bob, and then you develop a relationship with Jim, while Bob develops a relationship with Lucy, that's still polyamory even if you haven't had sex with Jim and Bob hasn't had sex with Lucy.

I'm assuming that in this situation both you and Bob are aware of and okay with it all. Because otherwise I'd call that something else.

Whether or not whatever combination of people are actively "doing it" the relationships have an element of sexuality. Dating over the age of 12 or so just does.

If it doesn't, its really more like frienship, which certainly involves love

(which is what I meant vis-a-vis my grandparents as they loved lots of people but had no relationships that were in any way sexual or potentially sexual with other people).

I'm assuming that in this situation both you and Bob are aware of and okay with it all. Because otherwise I'd call that something else.

Yeah. That's why I used the simplest number and situation I could think of. I would think everyone would have to know and approve.

But sexuality isn't sex. One is an act the other isn't.

Or if you're dating Bob, and then you develop a relationship with Jim, while Bob develops a relationship with Lucy, that's still polyamory even if you haven't had sex with Jim and Bob hasn't had sex with Lucy.

I'm assuming that in this situation both you and Bob are aware of and okay with it all. Because otherwise I'd call that something else.

Well, of course. Poly isn't cheating, and it isn't swinging, but neither is it the stereotype of a threesome. It can be, but it often isn't.

And I'm starting to annoy even myself with my constant lectures on non-mainstream sexuality, so I'ma shut up. If you want info on polyamory, that's what the internet is for.

pretty sure Toddson was speaking tongue-in-cheek.

This is an important point. Leave it to me to miss the joke. Perhaps I'm particularly sensitive to the poly = sex issue since I'm not getting any. To sum up: poly is my orientation. I get techy when I feel like people are making incorrect assumptions about me. I will try to lighten up.

Where's the line between friendship and relationship, then? I just kind of assumed that it was at some kind of "potential for sex" place. I mean, that's how I'd define the difference between someone I'm really good friends with and someone I'm dating, I guess.

But sexuality isn't sex. One is an act the other isn't.

Ok, so a relationship can be sexual without involving actual sex.

With that framework, to be more accurate I should have said:

Sex uality isn't the defining factor of the relationships themselves, but sex uality is what makes the other relationships not monogamy.

Without that element, I'd say "real good friends" (and my grandparents would feel much better).