One friend at the party was dressed as a sexy race car driver. I'm thinking "Really? That needed to be femmed and tarted up? Where do we stop?" Oh, she looked amazing, and it is the only time of year she glams up, other than her birthday, but still.

There was no way I could "compete" with any of the women there--there were very few not sexy at all (one came dressed as a bucktoothed nerd that matched her boyfriend's bucktoothed nerd, and that was incredibly adorable) and very few who weren't a tarted up something (tarted up Hogwarts teacher? really?). You know, the Fanta girls looked plenty hot. They were dressed as something sexy, not a sexed up something. Me, I put my rack on a platter and flashed my undies intermittently, and felt I'd done my job.

Even though I dislike the mandate to tart up the holiday, I still feel pressure in that direction. Luckily the idea of me being a tarted up anything still makes me uncomfortable.

One year I should have a party where the idea is to wear the most banal "sexy" costume possible. Sexy Toll Collector. Sexy Paralegal. Sexy DMV Employee. Sexy Supreme Court Justice.

For Sexy Supreme Court Justice, you can just wear a robe with nothing under it, right?

Sexy slaughterhouse worker?

Sexy farmer? (It must be my upbringing, as I just can't picture that one....)

Sexy farmer = Dexy's Midnight Runners, no?

Man, I'm brilliant at this game!

Sexy farmer = Dexy's Midnight Runners, no?

Well OK. But only because they're British....

Really I meant in concept -- maybe I've hit upon something. For a Sexy [unsexy job] costume, just wear the obvious clothing for that job with nothing under it!

Maybe next year I'll be a dominatrix. Sexy sex worker. Plus? Weapons.

They were dressed as something sexy, not a sexed up something.

This is going to be my new Halloween mantra. No, seriously. Between you and Trudy and the discussion today, I'm a lot clearer on why some of these costumes bug and some don't.

I myself put on my black and white dress from the Atlanta F2F, threw a kid's dalmatian costume around my shoulders like a stole, and went as Cruella deVil. Which I think was the good kind of sexy, but slightly tarted up by dint of the weight I've put on since May expressing itself largely through my boobs. Oops.

My plan this year for Halloween--slightly dented by virtue of having no plans for Halloween-- was going to be either (a) if I had no time to put something together and/or came straight from work, to go as Liz Lemon, because I own the half of her wardrobe that doesn't bare cleavage or (b) Little Edie Beale, because shopping for that would be the funnest ever. I already have a skirt that I was going to wear as a turban; the hardest part would be finding the broach.