I suspect my cube neighbor is not long for the tech support world.

Neighbor: I've just realized--being good at my job is just another way to get people to go away and leave me alone.

Me: Efficient customer service is just another way to get people to go away.

Neighbor: That needs to be embroidered on a pillow.

5:45 on a Friday and it looks like we might have a bit of a problem.

Oh well, I'm still leaving.

5:45 on a Friday and it looks like we might have a bit of a problem.

Oh well, I'm still leaving.

Houston, we have a problem....

Ok, as long as your problem doesn't involve astronauts stranded in space, I say you're good to go....

Everything I know about astral projection I learned from Alex Chilton.

Each room is different, and filled with relics,
That will disorient you like psychedelics.
Thirty thousand monks at his direction,
Practicing things like astral projection.

Dalai! Dalai Lama!
Dalai! Dalai Lama!

I think Jonathan Richman met someone on the Astral Plain once....

And didja' know that scientists know how to reproduce this sensation?

I read that!

A friend of mine wrote a blog post about some of the frequencies that may causes people to see "ghosts."

Like, a toaster can resonate at the same frequency as your eyeball, causing a weird visual hallucination, and magnets can give you that sensation of having the hairs on the back of your neck raise and give you goosebumps. So if you are lying on a very old spring mattress that has become magnetized over time, that eerie feeling that your room is haunted could go away with a new mattress and box spring.

So the ghost wasn't in the mattress after all?

Eyeballs have frequencies?

Well, see, with all that magnetisation it's less a mattress and more a machine.

So the ghost wasn't in the mattress after all?

No, no...the ghost is in the machine.

I swear, it's like you people aren't paying attention at all.