How worried should I be? Once she was in a relationship with another total sponge but during one argument he pushed her and she ended it right there. I feel like that is the one bit of assholery she would never tolerate. And when asshate thought he had lost Meg he turned to our sister-in-law for advice. (Turns out Suz's advice was what prompted the apology-writing-campaign.) I hope this is not the behavior of a victim or an abuser. On the other hand I sure don't want to risk it. On the third hand she has other people she can turn to. On the fourth hand she's not talking to any of us. Gha! I'm rambling when I should be working. Work sounds good. Right now I will do that.

I think he has to respect me because I'm his family.

There are members of my family that I don't honestly respect. All I have to do is be polite. If I am not that, there can be an issue. But so long as I am polite, that's really all that can be asked, I think.

I am sorry you are in such a rough situation, Laga.

{{{Laga}}} Much wisdom already poured out here, I got nothing to add.

Laga, I hope you can work this out and I'm sorry you have to deal. I have two brothers in law that bother me most of the time. One of them is a jackass. He is a bigot, homophone, racist and an all-around-general asshole. I do not respect his views but he is good to my sister. He loves her, respects her and takes care of her. He is sometimes a jerk to her family but he's never hurt her emotionally or physically. This does not make him an ideal husband. But he is around to stay whether I like it or not.

I don't expect him to understand my views or beliefs because he's narrow minded. He usually respects me and my family but not always. I have ways of dealing with him and have learned tricks to getting along with him. Enough so that I remain very close to my sister and don't let him get in the way of our relationship.

My other brother in law is a severe alcoholic. But again, he respects and loves my sister and doesn't hurt her in any way. I can usually get along with him but have to avoid him when he's drinking.

I understand that this guy drives you crazy and you probably hate his guts. But do what you can to preserve your relationship with your sister. She's your blood and will be there for you the rest of your life. If he doesn't end up being around for good then she will need you there.

I maintain that it is evil to tell someone there is no hope of them ever earning your respect. It's OK to disrespect someone, but if they come to you with an open heart and an open mind asking what they can do to make things right between you, "nothing" is not a valid answer.

but if they come to you with an open heart and an open mind asking what they can do to make things right between you, "nothing" is not a valid answer.

There's the rub. Not everyone has an open heart and open mind. Unfortunately, too many people have closed both of them.

I agree with Cashmere. Close-minded, hurtful, even stupid but not what I would call evil.

We now have open seating (read: cubicle-land). I miss my window and my office door.

Dude, that SUCKS. So sorry.

"More hanging out! More kissies! More, more, more!" early cute stage, is in the Hamptons working at a film festival all week

Well, better that you're sick while she's gone, then!

Wow, I really feel like I lucked out in the brother-in-law sweepstakes! He's old, he's black, he's Muslim....AND he's a kick-ass person (who can cook!)

I finished painting my apartment tonight! Of course, what I decided was to only do one wall in the guest room, so it didn't exactly take long. But yay! And the yellow paint looks much more orange (like it's SUPPOSED to) in the night time. (The bedroom might be a bit much though)

Cooling off is good. But it might be good to keep some regular contact with sister after that period, just so asshole does not succeed in cutting her off from entire family, isolating her, and really be in a position to become physically abusive.

Agreed. If you temporarily need space to keep yourself balanced than you need it. Sometimes she may land on the opposite side of boundaries you need and set by being with him. Always emphasize your love, and leave her a "way home".

That's what my mom said after they finished repainting their house, once the paint is on the wall it never looks exactly like the chip, and it looks different as the light changes throughout the day, and the color on one wall can look different from the color on another wall even thought they are the same color, same coverage, out of the same can, just from subtle shadows. She had a really specific color in mind for certain walls (dried wild oats in evening lightm, to be precise) and sometimes when the light is just right she can see it, but mostly it doesn't match the color in her head. Even so, it looks fine.