but if they come to you with an open heart and an open mind asking what they can do to make things right between you, "nothing" is not a valid answer.

There's the rub. Not everyone has an open heart and open mind. Unfortunately, too many people have closed both of them.

I agree with Cashmere. Close-minded, hurtful, even stupid but not what I would call evil.

We now have open seating (read: cubicle-land). I miss my window and my office door.

Dude, that SUCKS. So sorry.

"More hanging out! More kissies! More, more, more!" early cute stage, is in the Hamptons working at a film festival all week

Well, better that you're sick while she's gone, then!

Wow, I really feel like I lucked out in the brother-in-law sweepstakes! He's old, he's black, he's Muslim....AND he's a kick-ass person (who can cook!)

I finished painting my apartment tonight! Of course, what I decided was to only do one wall in the guest room, so it didn't exactly take long. But yay! And the yellow paint looks much more orange (like it's SUPPOSED to) in the night time. (The bedroom might be a bit much though)

Cooling off is good. But it might be good to keep some regular contact with sister after that period, just so asshole does not succeed in cutting her off from entire family, isolating her, and really be in a position to become physically abusive.

Agreed. If you temporarily need space to keep yourself balanced than you need it. Sometimes she may land on the opposite side of boundaries you need and set by being with him. Always emphasize your love, and leave her a "way home".

That's what my mom said after they finished repainting their house, once the paint is on the wall it never looks exactly like the chip, and it looks different as the light changes throughout the day, and the color on one wall can look different from the color on another wall even thought they are the same color, same coverage, out of the same can, just from subtle shadows. She had a really specific color in mind for certain walls (dried wild oats in evening lightm, to be precise) and sometimes when the light is just right she can see it, but mostly it doesn't match the color in her head. Even so, it looks fine.

I probably won't send it, but it sure felt good to write this...

A while ago I came to you with an open heart and an open mind (and my mother in tow) with the hope that we could reach an understanding of how to deal with each other as adults. You told me (and my mother) that you would never be able to respect me, no matter what I said or did. I'd like to offer you the opportunity that you were not willing to extend to me and inform you of what will be neccesary in order for you to earn back my respect. You will need to apologize personally to me and (if he so chooses) to Dennis for implying that we were both stupid and crazy when we tried to speak to you about household conflicts. Unfortunately I suspect that your heart wasn't really in that apology that you sent to everyone. If that is the case, please ignore this letter and never speak to me again.

That's what my mom said after they finished repainting their house, once the paint is on the wall it never looks exactly like the chip,

My artist friend reminded me that this is why they make primer. Apparently the grey kind is really good for that.

She actually hired people who supposedly knew what they were doing to do the painting. I have to wonder why they didn't use primer - I'm pretty sure, from the little I saw of them working, that they did not.

Eta: and now I'll have to decide what i will do for painting my house. Hm.

Hmm, if the walls weren't already white, I'd think primer was key, but...

The bedroom is very very blue. It may be too much. I tried to just do two walls, but then the third wall (the fourth is door and closet) looked silly. So I restrained myself in the other room. Just one wall, grass green. :)

Laga, I have to say I feel like I am on the other side of the situation you are in. My sister, whom I love, hates my husband. And he, truth be told, really seems to hate her as well, but the animosity began with her. I won't get into the reasons here, as they are complex, but I will say they are mostly the product of misunderstanding and hurt feelings on both sides, and likely if even one of them was willing to talk about it they could resolve it. But they don't.

I felt that I was very unfairly put in the middle of it and forced to take sides. I found the only safe ground for me was to refuse to be held responsible for their sparring, and in the end only my husband granted me the freedom to do that. It's been much harder with my sister. The damage done to my relationship with my sister has yet to be fully repaired and it has been years.

So I have been reading your posts and finding it impossible not to project my own experiences onto them. I hope you and your sister find a better resolution.