I watched the History Channel's "Engineering Disasters" twice today. I asked what the class thought some common features in the disasters were, and one of my students replied, "The 80's."

I did try to rebut, but I'm just now realizing that I could have made the connection with a Republican president. Or is that unfair?

I need a moment of personal support.

I feel completely craptastic about making a decision I don't want to make.

The short of it is:

• Foot still a little bit swollen
• been swollen for about a month
• getting better with acupuncture treatments started this week
• team captain threatening to force me into a 'medical rollover', meaning I can do any event I want next year, but no event before the end of the year
• I could take an anti-inflammatory and and fake it through the 12 miles tomorrow and hope the treatments fix the problem before next week's 20 miles
• or, I could suck it up...swallow my pride and admit defeat this time around

I've never actually failed at a major goal like this. Seriously, never. It seems so silly, but I don't want the coaches to be covering their collective behinds by staring at my ankle every time I see them.

The upside is that nothing would really be lost except for my bib for the Marine Corp Marathon and the registration fee. All the fundraised money is already where it belongs and I get credit for it, whenever I complete an event.

I think I'd be alright this time. But everyone else seems to have doubts.

I take huge pride in my sheer strength of will, but am I being stupid by trying to finish this event...just because I can?

Somebody tell me what to do!

I've never actually failed at a major goal like this.

And as long as you don't just walk away, you haven't failed. You just need to adjust the goal. You have done that before. Did your walk across America go as you had planned? No, you had to change and adjust that goal and you still accomplished something. Same here - modify your goal. Even if that means extending the timeframe into next year. You are not giving up.

I take huge pride in my sheer strength of will, but am I being stupid by trying to finish this event...just because I can?

I don't know about stupid, but... you don't know what caused it, right? So it's a mysterious, chronic injury. Please don't take chances with it! It just sounds like the first twenty minutes of a Lifetime movie.

bonny, have you talked to a doctor? What do they say?

Thank you Suzi. You said just the right thing. In fact, there are tears running down my cheeks as I type this.

Bonny, I'd say, do what's best for the long term care of YOU. It's great to have these challenges, and to do the fund raising and what not. But if that means having a serious arthritic ankle for the rest of your life, is it worth it? If the prevailing sentiment is, heal yourself. Then give your body time to heal.

caveat. I did learn that the phrase "no pain, no gain" often came to mean, "you've gained life long pain", so I err on the side of caution.

Good luck with your decision! And a dash of ankle~ma to boot!

So it's a mysterious, chronic injury.

It is. Is seems that I damaged a ligament or something at the bottom of my hamstring and that the swelling is just gravity drawing the fluid down.

The very freaky thing is that I have no pain, no bruising, no infection. Just the swelling...and not all that much of that. It swells enough that my shoe feels tighter, but that's all.

I've resisted seeing a medical doctor because my suspicion is that they'll take xrays say, yup, it's not broken and tell me to do exactly what I have been doing. rest, ice, compress, elevate.

if it's soft tissue damage, an MRI might be the best bet. Either way, you need the body to heal.

I've never actually failed at a major goal like this.

I don't think that you've failed if you want to go forward but are physically unable to. You can't fail if you're not allowed to do it.