Ouch, Raq. Good on you for putting your foot down.

Way to go, Joe!

So sorry about your sister Raq. I know how it feels to have not entirely loving feelings for a sister.

Job~ma for Jars' boy.

Raq it sucks you have to deal with that. Mom had to come to that same conclusion about her sister W, when she realised that W was not going to come visit her (unless she needed to evacute) and the only time W asked Mom to go see her was when stuff needed to be done - like wallpapering. Mom does occasionally feel guilty about not being closer to her sister, but her life is much more enjoyable without regular guilt trips.

I had written back to her asking if they could shorten their visit, or failing that, I sent a list of inexpensive nearby hotels.

I agree with Steph. It might cause me to scramble, if my sister with her two small children asked me that, and rearrange, but it's her prerogative to do so, especially if the length of the visit exceeded 2-3 nights. I'd definitely WANT to know if my being there would be a hardship in any way and be willing to rearrange to help her out.

However, since we are actually the de facto babysitters for her kids when we go out there, we don't run into the same issues, I think.

Ooh! I'm going to see my sister next weekend! (crossing fingers that Skybus works out better for us this time)

I'm sorry you had to do that, Raq. Her expectations were unreasonable, and, yet, had she just politely asked the questions, and acknowledged the favors, she might have gotten a good portion of what she wanted from you out of this trip.

Oh, Raq, that's so hard, but good for you for standing up for yourself and your family, your time and energy and private space. If you've poured several decades of yourself into your relationship with your sister and never gotten anything positive back, it's quite fair to say that now you're done.

I really don't understand people like her. You're such a very good person; how could anyone be related to you and just see it as something to take advantage of, instead of feeling incredibly grateful and giving all that energy and goodness right back to you?

Steph has the right of it.

My cousin and I are really close, pretty much as close as sisters, but I would never consider her my place to stay in New Orleans without making sure it was absolutely ok.

Congrats, Joe!!

It occurred to me that this is one of those relationships that takes up a lot of time and effort without doing anything positive for my life, and in fact brings a lot of negative. So I just wrote and told her that they were uninvited and unwelcome here.

Would that everyone had the strength to eliminate the toxic relationships in their lives.

We take for granted that we're going to stay with family when we go to cities where they live--sufficiently that we sometimes get offended if you don't explain why you're not.

HOWEVER, everyone always has the freedom to say "Actually, now's not good"--you don't not ask--you expect the answer to be yes, but it doesn't break the relationship if it's no.