That's a lot of Orthodox churches.

That's just Eastern Orthodoxy -- Oriental Orthodoxy has a whole different list: [link]

(And yes, my brain keeps saying "butbutbut oriental MEANS eastern". In this case? Separate thingies.)

Um....wait, why are Lutherans not? They're Protestant! WTF? Are Prebyterians? Methodists? Baptists? How do you decide what counts?

Speaking as someone who came out of a similar religious background, basically a "real Christian" is someone who believes that salvation is purely through faith (often expressed in praying a "sinner's prayer" where you repent and sort of stake your personal claim in Jesus' atonement through his death and resurrection), as opposed to through some kind of faith-works combination, and also tends toward a relatively literal interpretation of the Bible and believes that everyone who isn't a real Christian will go to hell (hence the heavy emphasis on making converts).

That's an extremely simplified version, but every time I tried to refine it, I thought of exceptions. As for how do you know who's in...well, just about every denominational family has conservative and liberal branches. So Presbyterian Church in America is in, but Presbyterian Church-USA is generally out; Southern Baptists are in but most American Baptists are out, etc.

Mind you, these are not my current views, though I'm trying to report them fairly and accurately.

it was quite weird being a known atheist in grade school. The other kids were seriously concerned that I was going to Hell. They earnestly wanted to save me from eternal damnation. I got testified at pretty regularly. It is worth noting that back then I still believed in Santa Claus.

So Presbyterian Church in America is in, but Presbyterian Church-USA is generally out; Southern Baptists are in but most American Baptists are out, etc.

Good grief! That's so confusing. Much easier to just dismiss them all as "Protestants", I say. :)

So the others aren't "Christian"? How weird.

I get to explain to my students at some point each year what "agnostic" is (vs. atheist) -- most of my students are Catholic -- but each year, at least one kid shouts in relief, "So THAT'S what I am!"

Cracks me up every time.

Some of my kids are very devout, but it usually sparks a short thoughtful convo, and we move on.

Caveat: I never BRING up religion; this is always brought up in context of a story or a question that a brings up. I never lie to kids or avoid my spiritual beliefs, but I am SO not a proselytizer.

Anyhoo, skipped and skimmed, and BTW, I love Erin's Funeral. (Doesn't it kinda sound like a Fenian-leaning indie film?! )

So Presbyterian Church in America is in, but Presbyterian Church-USA is generally out; Southern Baptists are in but most American Baptists are out, etc.

It just struck me that what the homophobe-flavored Episcopalians are doing is just joining in the great American schism trend. If your church in Virginia actually reports to the archdiocese of Zambia, you're in, etc.

My family belonged to a very liberal Catholic parish--we were known for being the "hippy church" in town, the first to have guitar masses, altar girls, and even (horrors!) a priest who preferred the name "Father Bob" instead of "Father Perkins" and who had a beard. (A few families ended up leaving the parish and the Catholic church completely when the head parish priest retired and Father Bob was transferred rather than promoted from assistant to head priest, but he didn't encourage their actions at all.)

My CCD 8th-grade teacher actually taught us that Genesis didn't rule out evolution at all, but reinforced it instead (God created the animals in the order that they ended up evolving, and the sun was created first and the land brought forth out of the sea due to lava and plate tectonics, so it all fits, according to the teacher). So I never did understand creationism = faithful Christianity.

So the others aren't "Christian"? How weird.

Yeah, though usually people would say that the others "aren't saved" or are "preaching a false gospel" or something like that.

Poking around on the internets, I actually found a pithier way to describe the beliefs of evangelical/conservative Christians--"sola scriptura, sola fide." Basically, that the Bible is the sole authority for correct doctrine and that salvation is by faith alone, in the sense that it's impossible to earn your way to heaven by good works or being a nice person.

salvation is by faith alone, in the sense that it's impossible to earn your way to heaven by good works or being a nice person

Yeah, IME that's exactly where evangelicalism/conservative Christianity and the Catholics part ways; the way I've always been taught is that the distinction between faith and works is a false one -- if your faith means anything, it prompts you to at least attempt to do good works and be a nice person. And, because God is the ultimate source and end of all that is good, if you're successfully doing good works and being a nice person those acts are accepted by God as signs of faith; even if you can't intellectually accept the possibility of God existing, your actions are showing that something in you is responding to that call to goodness. (Or, for a tidier and prettier example, there's the story of Emeth at the end of the Chronicles of Narnia.)

Which doctrine, of course, taken to its logical end, results in practically everyone but the truly rank assholes and evildoers of the world being functionally saved and heaven-bound whether or not they've said the "sinner's prayer," which cheeses off the more rules-bound in every denomination (including the Catholics, hence Mel Gibson picking up his toys and leaving in a huff).

I get to explain to my students at some point each year what "agnostic" is (vs. atheist) -- most of my students are Catholic -- but each year, at least one kid shouts in relief, "So THAT'S what I am!"

Cracks me up every time.

Bwah! I have had this experience many times myself. One of the first vocabulary words they learn is "atheist" (I take all of my vocab from the literature we're studying, and Holden calls himself an atheist), and I always have to clarify the difference between being an atheist and being agnostic.

I am more than a little nervous--even here in my secular private school in liberal LA--that I will be teaching parts of the Bible as literature next month. But they need the basic stories to understand references in so much of the Western Canon that I can't take the safe road, so...

I will be calling Genesis a "creation story" rather than a "creation myth," however. May seem like an unimportant distinction, but it makes a difference with some parents.

Also, hivemind question. When I teach pieces of Genesis and the rest of the Old Testament/Bible/Torah, I need the students to understand that this text is found in both the Jewish and Christian Bibles. Is it safe just to call these "Bible passages" since (I believe?) Jews and Christians use that term, or should I be saying Torah or Old Testament at times? Any suggestions about the best way to approach this topic? Any specific times when it would be disrepectful *not* to call it the Torah?

Also, does anyone know where the Old Testmant/Torah talks about the mesiah? I need to pinpoint that in order to explain the break that happened when Jesus entered the picture. Also the fact that Jesus was a Jew. Also, didn't Islam have early roots in Judiasm/Christianity? How did that work?

My theology is a bit rusty, so please pardon stupid questions. I swear I knew this stuff at some point. And yes, I promise that I will be doing a lot of research to fill in the gaps of my memory before I teach any of this. I may actually get around to finishing Karen Armstrong's A History of God, but given its heft...? Probably not in time.