I have been thinking about my last name quite a bit lately. When we married my husband and I each took the same name, a name we decided had special meaning for us. If I had taken his name I would have changed it back right away but I feel like the name we took is half mine. I also dropped my middle name, Jane, which I hated. Now I kinda like it. Also my maiden name is Irish and I do miss being a Mc. The deciding factor for me originally was that it was cheaper to keep the name I had. I'm not sure what's making me ponder my old name lately.

I kept my hyphenated married name. I really like it...it's a combination of two of the most common surnames in the history of talking apes, so slashing together gives them at least a little bit more interest.

I completely and totally dropped my middle name when I got married and, no matter what Mr. guru says, I'm not taking that one back.

I love the idea of taking a third, meaningful married name. I have a couple of friend who did that and it just seems like such a great idea. But I can also see wanting to be a Mc. My family is Irish, but not near as 'ethnic' as that.

I have been thinking about my last name quite a bit lately. When we married my husband and I each took the same name, a name we decided had special meaning for us. If I had taken his name I would have changed it back right away but I feel like the name we took is half mine. I also dropped my middle name, Jane, which I hated. Now I kinda like it. Also my maiden name is Irish and I do miss being a Mc. The deciding factor for me originally was that it was cheaper to keep the name I had. I'm not sure what's making me ponder my old name lately.

There was a recent article in The Age about changing one's name on marriage [link] Author has some strong opinions on the issue. (I found it rather offensive, really. Bec changed her name to mine, Wallybee didn't, in neither case did our experience bear any relationship to the dynamics in that article.)

Something feels really true about that, at the same time, I just don't know what to think about what feels like (but probably would not be) a major life change by going back to the old name.

I'm thinking about the directional metaphor you used there. It seems to me that there's room between refusing to use your old name, and giving up the one you've chosen. Accepting your old name as part of you doesn't mean rejecting what the new name represents, right? How would it feel to you to treat your old name as something of a 'middle name'? I'm thinking about ways to make it feel less like going back to your old name and more like bringing your old name forward to who you are now.

Or I'm spouting crap, which fortunately I'm pretty comfortable with, and Wallybee seems to enjoy.

Hec, glad to hear that Karen is in good spirits. Continued ~ma to her.

Hil, ~ma to your mother.

so slashing together gives them at least a little bit more interest.

It usually does.

(Sorry. Can't resist.)

In other news, I deeply distrust violent feelings about name changes in relationships other than one's own. On either side of the question.

I changed my name when we got married last year, and many of my friends were very surprised, considering my politics. I did it because it seemed silly to keep my ex-husband's name hanging around when I was married to someone else. I kept the middle name I chose when I got married the first time, my mother's maiden name. Since I would not have married again at all unless I felt I was a full partner and totally respected, the name choice did not feel political to me--not more than actually marrying did.

My ex-husband took my name when we got married seven years ago. He kept it when we got divorced. Says it's nice to not have to correct people's pronunciation. I don't begrudge him the name, but it feels weird sometimes. I think it gives me a unique understanding of men in similar situations with ex-wives. I don't know...in some odd way it's almost like the name is less mine than it was. Diluted. Which I know is absurd, but I can't quite shake the feeling.

Her eyes flew open and she squealed, Really? Is he a hairdresser?

I bask in validation! Also, if you want close attention to detail talk to a fetishist. I'm sure The Boy could give a dissertation on rope maintenance.

As for the name change, I will just note that such symbolic gestures take their meaning from context. That is, you can't say that you lack integration just from rejecting your old name. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is make a break and recreate yourself. Everybody does it many times over in their lives. You're not beholden to hold on to a damaged version of yourself.

Starting over can be the healthiest thing ever.

Coffee: oh crap, Hil. I'm so sorry. Tons of ~ma for your mom.

My school website is being wonky tonight. I want to go to bed, but my professor said no late assignments. What to do.

I'll probably take TCG's last name when we decide to marry. We plan on having kids, and I want to have the same last name as my kids. It's silly, but when my mother remarried it upset me that we didn't have the same last name anymore.

Health~ma to your mom, Hil.

I kept my last name. After all, I had so much time invested in spelling it for people, plus it was my byline.