Days I don't leave my apartment are usually days I spend crying from morning to night.

Not sure which is cause and which is effect, sadly.

I have to say no to myself more strongly. Otherwise I'll be banging on the ER door every fucking night. And addicted to Percocet.

I could come visit you...

And bring pie.

I swear to God. I wish I had a magic wand or could wiggle my nose and make all migraines just go away. Or, at the very least, make ita's migraines go away. Seriously, you've had your share and about 100 other people's share to boot.

I did not leave my apt today and it was a little slice of heaven.

I did! Not the complex maybe, but the apartment itself, sure thing.

I left my apartment to take out the trash and go to the laundry room. Does that count?

Visitors, especially the well-meaning kind, will just make me feel worse. Those are the games my mind plays with me.

Non well-meaning visitors I could maybe punch in the face and that might actually help.

Hopefully someone will try and rob me or something.

I've got to cut down on what I try and do and be more stern with myself about taking meds right away instead of rationing them and taking them when they're going to be less efficacious. Gotta lie down as soon as I can in each migraine (which, uh, means now, I guess).

And I really REALLY need to stop beating myself up.

I'm sure that'll be easy.

I did some light cleaning and watched a movie and tv shows off the Tivo. I barely cooked. really was super lazy Saturday and about as lazy as mac will allow without getting extremely irritable.

I was gonna have TJs Pad Thai noodles and sauce with veggies for dinner, but there was MOLD on teh noodles. INSIDE the plastic.

Ew, msbelle! I rarely buy boxed meals now if I can help it, and part of that is because I've never recovered from finding weevils in a box of pasta shells in white cheddar sauce. Years ago. Still with the massive ew.

And I didn't leave the apartment today, either. Why bother? I have booze and champagne grapes and a stack of media to catch up on.

Hi people! I, um, didn't do much today. Went to stretch class and then to brunch. Then most of the day was spent playing with kids, doing laundry, and gardening. And yet cooking preparing dinner somehow required a martini. Hmmm.

I keep thinking that I'll organize the books sometime, but I probably won't. They're crammed on shelves in no order whatsoever; their location is only dictated by where they'll fit on the shelves. I like the happy chaos of my bookshelves.

I organize my research collection and my unread books. The research collection is split into military history, general history, and, uh, Really Big Books That Only Fit on the Bottom Shelf. I regularly just stand in front of those shelves and gloat over the pretties and how they've multiplied since I rejoined the ranks of the gainfully employed. The unread books are just alphabetical by author. I started keeping them together after we moved because I discovered while packing that I had multiple copies of two of them, having bought them, forgotten them, and bought them again. Also, I was tired of knowing I owned the book I wanted to read next but not being able to find it on the shelves.

As for the rest, they're sorta sorted by genre, but I know the system will collapse over time because it's so easy just to shove a book wherever it'll fit.