To me it doesn't so much matter whether it is adultery or not-- he's not a good husband right now. But maybe someone can argue that adultery is worse than what he's doing. It's worse than just someone who obsesses over videogames and neglects their SO-- he is (probably) trading one intimate relationship for another.

Relatedly, did anyone read the long article about couples counseling in the NYT magazine this weekend? And immediately over-identify with it? Or was it just me?

I read Lee's comment to mean she'll be in town then, not that she'll be moving soon. Am I the confused one?

(not because he was too overworked to give that emotional spark to anyone, but because he had it to give and was giving it elsewhere),

Yeah, that's a huuge difference. That takes it a step beyond.

I would say though, that it's very clear there's a lot going off the rails in this man's head, for one reason or another, and this is only part of it.

She was making San Diego noises recently, but I didn't think there was anything imminent.

I think I would be as intolerant of a spouse with an addictive obsession as much as I would be intolerant of adultery. I'm just needy that way. My ranking needs to be above computer games, or other obsessions.

My ranking needs to be above computer games, or other obsessions.

This is it, for me. I truly don't see it as adultery -- but I do see him as a crapassed uninvolved husband who isn't behaving like a partner in the marriage. Fie on him, even without the scarlet letter.

I read Lee's comment to mean she'll be in town then, not that she'll be moving soon. Am I the confused one?

Sorry-- didn't mean to be mysterious and then leave. Work called me away.

I don't have any definite plans to move, but I really need to do something about the job thing soon, and that might mean moving elsewhere depending on where the jobs are.

I think Actual Sex With Someone Else is a pretty big bright line. And special in its own shitty way. It's really clear, for example, if you've had sex with someone not your spouse. Have you been loving, honoring and cherishing enough? Well, that's a bit trickier to define, but (barring intoxication) you know for certain if you've gone and sexed the neighbor.

Of course, there are lots of other ways to be shitty.

You can stop hanging out with your on-line buddy so much, but you can't un-fuck them.

ION, my sister is looking for a new place to live. What do you think this guy was smoking when he posted this:

Ok i need someone to move in ASAP, I need a male or female who loves to smoke all things, and loves video games, i'll cook and hire a cleaning lady and you pay 400 for the master bedroom, with own bathroom, for 400 on Albion between Farwell and prospect. AWESOME LOCATION. Around the corner from Maharaja. Brady st. is a block or two away. We might be able too work out a free rent situation if you want to work for me but I would rather have the cash, if you need me to fro0nt security deposit that cool, but I don't like dealing with personal loans. Let me know if you are interested in the free room and working for me, I own 2 businesses and love to party hard. If this is you hit me up. DO NOT RESPOND IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!!!!! sorry just dont love youngsters who are immature. Let me know ASAP because this place will rent VERY soon.

Also, he hid the whole 'wife' status of the relationship from RL Wife, who thought SL Wife was a business partner.

This is what would lead me to calling it cheating. If you're lying or deliberately not telling your partner something, it's cheating.

I won't make a moral judgement on the cheating, but that's what it is.