Crap! poor Jade! and he had survived Bollywood last week!

I think Alexis should have gone home. She was my favorite from the auditions but she is just not getting anywhere near as good as most of the others.

Oh my word, it's Paula Abdul, y'all! Paula Abdul on my SYTYCD judges panel. I can die happy now.

Alright. That's all I got. I'll be back.

Progress!

Oooh, sexy sophisti-Cat. I like it. Good omen or fluke? We’ll see.

Top 18 Group Dance/Contemporary/Pretty Face/Soley – Other Jasmine and Aaron were turning it out up front at the beginning of this routine. Wow. This was pretty. I enjoyed. Loved the delicate song choice. And while I didn’t love just letting the Animators climb on top of stuff and pop, I did love the way the rest of the kids used the prop bulwark to jump artfully over the edge. Yes! And y’all, Other Jasmine was seriously putting in work in that center. I am more and more impressed with her. In fact, all the girls were giving me everything down front while the boys futzed around on top of that bridge. Ending pose? Sit a spell because you were fabulous. I approve. It was haunting. Well done, Chris Scott and Sonya. Are they a thing now?

In other news, I want Cat’s shoes so much.

Oh, no. I’m not a Jade fan, but I hate to hear that he got hurt. Torn meniscus. Geez. That shit is serious. Dammit, Nigel. Stop treating these kids like tissue paper, cheap and disposable. Fuck. When are they going to learn? Well, I wish him a speedy recovery and I sure hope that he disclosed that pre-existing injury.

I’m so happy that the show just dealt with the cut drama head on. Well done, Nigel. You fucked up and you’re owning it.

Paula Abdul. My god! I started hyperventilating as soon as I saw her on the panel, before Cat even introduced her. Dance heaven. Nigel and I have both been waiting 10 years for this moment. This is already all I’ve ever, ever wanted. Ever. Erin Andrews, whatever. Wasn’t she on DwTS? Fuck it. It’s my PauPau wearing Big Bird as a dress. I can die happy now. I confess I had to play back the dance ins because I was on a Paula high. Eh I didn’t miss anything. Alexis and Nico are still the most awkward things ever together. Paul’s pants were flooding so bad. Is that how they get down on SYTYCD Armenia? Because . . . no. Tucker continues to chop his hair off and I’m digging it. Fik Shun is still a cutie pie. That’s all I got.

Recap. What a waste of space. I’d rather be watching Paula right now.

Danger, Will Robinson: B6

Jasmine M. Bluprint Jenna Curtis Alexis Jade

What a strange B6. I’d never have called it. I think Jasmine M and Alexis both danced worse than other girls last Tuesday (and that’s the second week in a row for Alexis, so it’s not looking good for her). Nonetheless, the judges lavished unwarranted praise on Jasmine M in that Tango, so I’m kinda shocked she’s here. She and Alan must really have 0 fan base. And talk about 0 fan base, I don’t know what Jenna is doing in that B3. She was the absolute best thing about that mess of a cha cha Dmitri choreographed. I’m gonna chalk that up to bad choreo and a lack of partner chemistry. Jade and Bluprint make sense to me but I’m surprised Curtis went B3. Maybe that’s just a function of being first up last week, severly outdanced by his partner in the routine, and out-cuted in life by Fik Shun.

Good luck, and don’t fuck it up

Both boys will stay. As expected. But Bluprint is on notice. He needs to turn it up or he’s gonna go home next week for sure.

All 3 girls dance for their lives. That makes sense. Nigel is trying to dig his way out of his mess. You made your bed, big boy. Lie in it.

Alexis/Try a Little Tenderness/Otis Redding – I had a vest just like that I used to wear out clubbing when I was in college so I already like her solo just a little bit. Mine was black, though. Points for song choice as well. I guess she’s a neat little tapper. I feel like I can’t really comment on the style authoritatively. It looked difficult? Especially all that foofing about on her tippy toes. Her turn sequence at the end was clean…yeah, I don’t have much to say. I still don’t like something about the way she carries her upper body and she doesn’t have much spark. But it was OK, I suppose.

Jasmine M./10 Seconds/Jazmine Sullivan – Really? You want to introduce yet another Jazmine into the mix, Jasmine M.? You’re just fucking (continued...)

( continues...) with us now. So, I have to say that Other Jasmine has totally taken over the place in my heart formerly occupied by Jasmine M. She’s so, so fierce for real. Jasmine M. better do something to pull me back in real quick. Well she started with video ho booty shaking. No. And then there was the requisite writhing on the floor, hair flinging, a couple of leaps which certainly look impressive but are not the end all be all of doin’ choreography and maybe one turn sequence. I wasn’t feeling it at all. She is turning out to be a big disappointment. All sizzle, no steak.

Jenna/Wild/Jessie J – Holy maroney, look at that back! This girl just sparks, even just standing in her opening pose with her back to us. She stalks around the stage very well and she has the whatitisness. But ballroom girls are just handicapped when doing solos. You kinda need a partner. It was a lot of stalking and posing with a split thrown in at the end.

Eh, none of the solos moved me.

And now we do the dance of joy

Amy and Fik Shun/Paso Doble/Tactical Dominance/Jack Trammel - Jean Marc and Franz. I cannot see Paso sitting comfortably on Fik Shun at all. “Don’t sellng me a rainbow” Ha! You tell ‘em, Jean Marc. Nice opening in Shadow. Fik Shun got down in a gorgeous plie in second. His posture was pretty good at the beginning there. It degraded as the dance went on. But he dealt with the pencil turns nicely (I think it was a double) and that was a nice stag lift from him. He did not let Amy just pull all the focus, although she was excellent in this. So sharp and making gorgeous shapes. I must say, Fik Shun did better at this than I ever imagined, although by the end his shoulders were up around his ears. That dance had great energy. There were some tricky lifts and some intricate partnering and it was hard and very technical. This Erin person is awful. Shut it. Let me hear from Paula. Record scratch, what? Fik Shun was on Paula’s dance show? Oh, wow. That was the worst dance show in history. Oooh, and Paula busted Nigel’s untrained dancer bullshit. The bitch is trained. Suck it, Nigel! I am loving Paula on the show so much already. But Nigel’s right about the shoulders. Up around the ears, it was totally distracting.

Other Jasmine and Aaron/Broadway/They Just Keep Moving the Line/Smash Cast Recording (Feat. Megan Hilty) - Spencer Liff. Thank god it’s not Tasty. I remember this song from when I was still watching that execrable show. Well, this dance has got to be better than anything that ever happened on Smash so that’s already a little win. This was a clever piece. Other Jasmine’s legs really are just damn sexy, but I could do without the judges salivating all over them every five seconds. She can actually dance, too. Aaron was giving me a little Gene Kelly realness in this number. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Nicely done. Jasmine really didn’t have a ton to do other than a couple of extensions at the beginning of the piece. Don’t believe the hype, Spencer. But then they broke it down on the back end. And Aaron’s triple turn was cleaner than Other Jasmine’s. What? You go boy. I liked it but didn’t love it. It had panache, though. And Paula was totally right when she said that Aaron is a throwback to that 40s style, MGM Musical, man’s man dancer. I could see him as one of the sailors in South Pacific or On the Town. He just brings that essence. Grounded. Yes, Paula. Oh my god, y’all. She sounds so eloquent and together talking about shit she knows about rather than about singing like when she was on AI. Girl is on point.

Mackenzie and Paul/Contemporary/No Day but Today/Idina Menzel – Lindsey Nelcoe(?). Oooh, fresh meat! Dammit, dead dancers already, Lindsey? You disappoint. Aaaand she absolutely won me back by giving me some Idina Menzel. Proceed, Fresh Meat. Paul is really good for a ballroom kid. Nice toe point. It must feel really weird for him to dance barefoot. Mackenzie is pretty but forgettable. There was way too much emoting and not enough dancing right in the middle of this piece just before the big lift to shoulders. I thought Paul crushed it. I am super impressed. He’s great with lifts and was that a triple tour en l’air that he busted out? Shoot. That is serious. He’s for real. Oops, rambly Paula came back here. Awww, I love rambly Paula, too. And wouldn't you know she perfectly summed up the Paul problem. It’s been a couple weeks now, and people are still forgetting his name. And yet, I found Paul much better in this piece than Mackenzie. I couldn’t stop watching him. I wasn’t over the moon about the routine in general. It was low rent, Mia knock off. The best thing about it was the song choice.

And now I have to pause and praise the wardrobe hos. The kids have looked lovely tonight so far. Stay off the stuff, y’all. Crack is whack.

Jamine M and Alan/Jazz/Veins/Charlotte Martin - Sean Cheesman. Ugh, dammit. A table dance. Tables as props have been done to death on this show. Bored now. I did like the little shoulder work at the beginning. Very dynamic, even though they were just sitting there. And I like the staccato movement and all the flexed feet. There’s some actual jazz technique on display. Nice. And those children hit that fifth position like whoa. Work. The routine definitely got better as it went along and they ditched the table. There were some beautiful lifts in this piece. And Alan is another ballroom boy who can flat out work. These ballroom kids are serving. I did agree with the judges that they could’ve inhabited the characters more. Their lack of…oh what’s the word? Entrega! Their lack of giving it in the character work took what could’ve been a knock out routine and turned it into a pleasant piece that I’ll absolutely forget by the end of the show. I would’ve given a lot to see my beautiful Mark from Hawai’I do something special with that routine.

I really like Jasmine and Aaron, but did not like the number. It wasn't Tasty, but I didn't love the choreo. it wasn't "dancy' enough for me.

Two comments about tonight's episode:

1. the blonde from ESPN needs to get off my TV, period. She is a fucking disaster and I had to mute her after the 3 routine.

2. the judges should not mention the rehearsals at all. We didn't get to see it, so WTF mention it?

Jenna and Tucker/Hip Hop/Dangerous/Michael Jackson - Cheoni(?) and Mari Madrid. Another NappyTab? Do not want! Oh, wow. Jenna boasting that people were going to be asking themselves “Is that you, Comfort?” made me literally laugh out loud. You crazy, white lady! I like you. Umm, this song for a hip hop piece is not on. Even before it began, I hated it so much already. And did the choreographers just start a hip hop routine with a pointy pose? Oh hell to the naw! What fresh hip hop hell is this? And with Christopher Scott in the house tonight, too, so you know he was available. For shame. Ooooh, no. Jenna and Tucker were bad, kittens. Bad from the jump. I was watch from the hall embarrassed for them. The choreography: bad. The costuming: bad (for the first time all night). The music choice: bad. It’s like all the bad had been saving itself up for this moment to create a supernova of badness. This movement sat so poorly on both of them. At times, they even looked like they actually stepped out of the Bad video and that is, well, you finish it. Wow, when they went into what was supposed to be the break it down, “fast” section? My eyes! They were both soo pulled up and stiff and uncomfortable and aware of how wrong this all was and not just letting go and grooving with it anyway with their own kind of swag whatever that is. The performance was atrocious and had no redeeming qualities. And on the real, the choreo was absolute booty. I’ve seen children do better. I don’t know what this was, but it sure ain’t hip hop. Was that routine way longer than any other we’ve seen tonight? No? It was just that horrendous? I felt like I was in hell. Different? That’s one way to put it, Mary. I’d go with jank. And then the judges praised that shitty train wreck of a dance. I don’t even think so. It was a debacle of a routine. Oh, and it was supposed to be hip hop not jazz. Keep up, Paula. Nigel, you cannot make that piece be hip hop in any way, shape or form. Hip hop is a legit style of dance, not just a “lifestyle” or a feeling. Dammit, I get the rage black outs every time that man fixes his mouth to talk about hip hop. I want to choke him with a DVD of Breaking. And that hipster beatnik dancing sure as fuck is not hip hop. You know what, Jenna did kinda look like Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face during the beatnik dancing scene, but guess what? Audrey Hepburn looked hella awkward doing that scene. Was that a compliment? Ugh. Just ugh, to the whole sorry thing. That was ridiculous! (Read that last in your best Eartha Kitt in Boomerang after she’s just watched Nelson’s version of the Strangé commercial voice)

Malece and Jade/Contemporary/In the Embers/Sleeping at Last - Sonya hates Malece. That makes me like Sonya more. Oh, Malece must be living right. She is so lucky that Marco was assisting Sonya this week. That could make a world of difference for her. She’s just so dead in the face. She never gives me anything other than that slightly blank, almost open mouthed expression. A little life, dear. You’re young. Well, there was a lot about this routine that was pleasing. I loved that assisted lift off the floor. But there was also a lot about this piece that had a been there, done that quality. I really think Sonya needs to take a break. She’s going to the well way too often on her routines lately. For instance, she uses that shoulder lift while the girls is on her back with legs ben and kind of running in place way too much. All that said, I give it up to Malece. This is definitely the best she has danced on the show. Too bad her best left her completely overshadowed by Marco. It helped that he had some actual expression in his face. I’m pretty sure that Sonya goosed the difficulty in the piece once Jade was out of the picture. There was stuff in there that Marco did that Jade could never have done. It was a pretty piece but it felt like cheating. Nigel was right that Marco did elevate Malece’s dancing. She had to come up to meet his level. Even so I’m still not getting the hype around this girl. She’s just nothing special to me. Since Mary mentioned it, I’d much rather have seen Melanie and Marco dance that piece.

Haley and Curtis/Samba /Straight to Memphis/Club de Belugas– Jean Marc and Franz. Uh-oh. Thank heavens Curtis wasn’t actually on the chopping block tonight. This would’ve ended bloody. I don’t think he has it in him to pull off a good Samba. That’s one of the hardest latin dances and you really can’t fake it. And Jean Marc is not one to take it easy on dancers. He’s gone bring it to them. Sooo, Curtis definitely would’ve gone home. He owes Jade a bundt cake or something. Alright then. His footwork was awful. His carriage was kind of OK, but his hip action was all kinds of wrong. And Poor Hayley was leading herself around the stage. And the lifts! Oh, my word, the lifts were awkward as hell. You could see her talking him through that turning lift. Poor thing, she probably thought she was going to die. By the end, she was dragging him around the floor like a lost toddler. Jean Marc’s face in the audience said it all. He was like, “The fuck?” Hayley was fiery and sexy and she did have the hip action. And Paula in her critique nailed the problem again. Curtis was not leading and that is unacceptable for the man in a ballroom routine. And as Nigel noted, he danced and looked really young out there. I love it when Mary brings the technical critique. She’s so serious. And yes, he did almost drop Hayley on her head in that last lift and she just willed that final back walkover to happen. Awww, he’s crying. Poor, noodle. The judges were harsh but fair ‘cause it was really not good. No way he’s not B3 again next week.

I get the rage black outs every time that man fixes his mouth to talk about hip hop.

THIS. OMG. I shouted at the fucking tv.

BTW, the final hip hop was excellent and danced well by one of them.

Alexis and Nico/Jazz/I Put a Spell on You/Nina Simone - Spencer Liff. These two just have absolutely no chemistry or connection. They don’t match. Oh, well done on the music choice, Mr. Liff. NIco’s first body roll made me uncomfortable. I still find his movement somewhat awkward and he still seems to throw away his energy too much. And Alexis is just a heavy dancer. She reminds me of that gumby legged, horse faced blonde (Wasn’t she an Alexa? Maybe there’s something about Alexander-derived names?). All the paired/echo movement in this piece should’ve been light and quick and fancy and although she was completing it all, it felt extremely workmanlike. It was a nifty little turn sequence from the both of them there at the end, I’ll give them that – Nigel agrees with me. And the judges don’t care about this couple at all. They fell into their own monkey shines because they were so bored with them. And I was as well. Don’t care about them at all. Why does Erin keep bringing up dress? Nobody gives a shit about dress. Dress rehearsal is when you are supposed to make all your mistakes and get all your nerves out so that the live performance can be flawless. I need a “Shut it, non-dancer judge” macro or something.

Mariah and BluPrint/Hip Hop/Bring the Noize/M.I.A. – Luther Brown. Nice. Wow. Real hip hop. I had forgotten what it looked like. That run forward at the beginning was like a punch in the face of goddamn and I loved it! Utah Krumper just has so much flow. And her swag is on a million in this routine. She was giving me Missy face and when they got to the Run It move after they got up off the floor she was murdering it. Mariah would put RiRi to shame with that move. And then she did the little ponytail flip? Stop it. Just stop it. The routine was fire. BluPrint coped well with a lot of really demanding choreo but for me for you, he could’ve not even been there. Mariah was a world destroyer out there. I think the judges are asking BluPrint to be something he’s not. He’s not Cyrus. He’s not Twitch. He’s not the turn the world on with a smile kid. He seems like he’s probably very reserved in real life. And he’s a reserved dancer, which works for him in his animation style, but doesn’t work for this show. The judges never have anything intelligent to say about hip hop, babbling about one level down from ill and six pack abs. Useless. I have already watched that routine a couple of times.

And Nigel and his whole Danny and Travis lost because they had no personality history lesson can kiss my ass. Sabra and Benji won because they were relentlessly pimped and in Danny’s case, along with the relentless pimping, there was a tandem campaign to paint him as an uppity black man. Danny and Travis both had great personalities. Gah. I just hate that man.

Exit, stage left

Jenna goes to safety right away. Of these three, I agree with that, even though she was by far the worst tonight. But Jasmine M. going home? That was a surprise. She was one of my early favorites. Still, I’m not broken up about it. She really petered out once she got on the big stage. I would’ve gotten rid of Alexis, myself, especially if the choreographers say she can’t take a note, but eh. She’ll go home next week.

So Other Jasmine can just be Only Jasmine now. That’s convenient.

B3 Girls Predictions

Jenna – It’s already clear that she has a very small fan base and she wasn’t very good this week.

Alexis – She’s just not as good as the other girls.

Mackenzie – She was OK in a routine that was very quiet and kind of tucked away in the middle of the pack

If there were any justice, it would be Malece, but no way she hits B3 this week after dancing with Marco. I do think that Haley might slip down into the B3 if Curtis manages to bring the whole team down.

B3 Guys Predictions

Curtis – Again, and deservedly so. It wasn’t good.

BluPrint – Again for being just good in his own style.

Tucker – Burned my eyes with his badness in that hip hop.

Even though I’d disagree, we might also see Alan down there in B3 again next week. He doesn’t seem to have a very deep fanbase and he was in a routine that wasn’t all that impactful and again buried in the middle of the pack. And he just lost his partner. I wish it would be Nico, but I won’t get that lucky.

Going Home Next Week Predictions

Unless she pulls something truly spectacular out of her ass, Alexis will go home next week for the girls. Same thing for Curtis. Nigel hates to give up on his growth arcs and he’ll already have another sacrificial lamb in Curtis, so if both BluPrint and Curtis hit B3 again, he’d rather give Curtis up. I think not even a really spectacular week could save him.

So apparently Sean's jazz last night for Jasmine M. and Alan was recycled. [link] He originally choreographed it for SYTYCD Canada.

I don't mind but seems some folks are a little peeved. I mean, it's not like he stole someone else's work and passed it off as his own. It's his piece.

The SYTYCD Canada kids did it better anyway. They got into the characters more.