Jenna and Tucker/Hip Hop/Dangerous/Michael Jackson - Cheoni(?) and Mari Madrid. Another NappyTab? Do not want! Oh, wow. Jenna boasting that people were going to be asking themselves “Is that you, Comfort?” made me literally laugh out loud. You crazy, white lady! I like you. Umm, this song for a hip hop piece is not on. Even before it began, I hated it so much already. And did the choreographers just start a hip hop routine with a pointy pose? Oh hell to the naw! What fresh hip hop hell is this? And with Christopher Scott in the house tonight, too, so you know he was available. For shame. Ooooh, no. Jenna and Tucker were bad, kittens. Bad from the jump. I was watch from the hall embarrassed for them. The choreography: bad. The costuming: bad (for the first time all night). The music choice: bad. It’s like all the bad had been saving itself up for this moment to create a supernova of badness. This movement sat so poorly on both of them. At times, they even looked like they actually stepped out of the Bad video and that is, well, you finish it. Wow, when they went into what was supposed to be the break it down, “fast” section? My eyes! They were both soo pulled up and stiff and uncomfortable and aware of how wrong this all was and not just letting go and grooving with it anyway with their own kind of swag whatever that is. The performance was atrocious and had no redeeming qualities. And on the real, the choreo was absolute booty. I’ve seen children do better. I don’t know what this was, but it sure ain’t hip hop. Was that routine way longer than any other we’ve seen tonight? No? It was just that horrendous? I felt like I was in hell. Different? That’s one way to put it, Mary. I’d go with jank. And then the judges praised that shitty train wreck of a dance. I don’t even think so. It was a debacle of a routine. Oh, and it was supposed to be hip hop not jazz. Keep up, Paula. Nigel, you cannot make that piece be hip hop in any way, shape or form. Hip hop is a legit style of dance, not just a “lifestyle” or a feeling. Dammit, I get the rage black outs every time that man fixes his mouth to talk about hip hop. I want to choke him with a DVD of Breaking. And that hipster beatnik dancing sure as fuck is not hip hop. You know what, Jenna did kinda look like Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face during the beatnik dancing scene, but guess what? Audrey Hepburn looked hella awkward doing that scene. Was that a compliment? Ugh. Just ugh, to the whole sorry thing. That was ridiculous! (Read that last in your best Eartha Kitt in Boomerang after she’s just watched Nelson’s version of the Strangé commercial voice)

Malece and Jade/Contemporary/In the Embers/Sleeping at Last - Sonya hates Malece. That makes me like Sonya more. Oh, Malece must be living right. She is so lucky that Marco was assisting Sonya this week. That could make a world of difference for her. She’s just so dead in the face. She never gives me anything other than that slightly blank, almost open mouthed expression. A little life, dear. You’re young. Well, there was a lot about this routine that was pleasing. I loved that assisted lift off the floor. But there was also a lot about this piece that had a been there, done that quality. I really think Sonya needs to take a break. She’s going to the well way too often on her routines lately. For instance, she uses that shoulder lift while the girls is on her back with legs ben and kind of running in place way too much. All that said, I give it up to Malece. This is definitely the best she has danced on the show. Too bad her best left her completely overshadowed by Marco. It helped that he had some actual expression in his face. I’m pretty sure that Sonya goosed the difficulty in the piece once Jade was out of the picture. There was stuff in there that Marco did that Jade could never have done. It was a pretty piece but it felt like cheating. Nigel was right that Marco did elevate Malece’s dancing. She had to come up to meet his level. Even so I’m still not getting the hype around this girl. She’s just nothing special to me. Since Mary mentioned it, I’d much rather have seen Melanie and Marco dance that piece.

Haley and Curtis/Samba /Straight to Memphis/Club de Belugas– Jean Marc and Franz. Uh-oh. Thank heavens Curtis wasn’t actually on the chopping block tonight. This would’ve ended bloody. I don’t think he has it in him to pull off a good Samba. That’s one of the hardest latin dances and you really can’t fake it. And Jean Marc is not one to take it easy on dancers. He’s gone bring it to them. Sooo, Curtis definitely would’ve gone home. He owes Jade a bundt cake or something. Alright then. His footwork was awful. His carriage was kind of OK, but his hip action was all kinds of wrong. And Poor Hayley was leading herself around the stage. And the lifts! Oh, my word, the lifts were awkward as hell. You could see her talking him through that turning lift. Poor thing, she probably thought she was going to die. By the end, she was dragging him around the floor like a lost toddler. Jean Marc’s face in the audience said it all. He was like, “The fuck?” Hayley was fiery and sexy and she did have the hip action. And Paula in her critique nailed the problem again. Curtis was not leading and that is unacceptable for the man in a ballroom routine. And as Nigel noted, he danced and looked really young out there. I love it when Mary brings the technical critique. She’s so serious. And yes, he did almost drop Hayley on her head in that last lift and she just willed that final back walkover to happen. Awww, he’s crying. Poor, noodle. The judges were harsh but fair ‘cause it was really not good. No way he’s not B3 again next week.

I get the rage black outs every time that man fixes his mouth to talk about hip hop.

THIS. OMG. I shouted at the fucking tv.

BTW, the final hip hop was excellent and danced well by one of them.

Alexis and Nico/Jazz/I Put a Spell on You/Nina Simone - Spencer Liff. These two just have absolutely no chemistry or connection. They don’t match. Oh, well done on the music choice, Mr. Liff. NIco’s first body roll made me uncomfortable. I still find his movement somewhat awkward and he still seems to throw away his energy too much. And Alexis is just a heavy dancer. She reminds me of that gumby legged, horse faced blonde (Wasn’t she an Alexa? Maybe there’s something about Alexander-derived names?). All the paired/echo movement in this piece should’ve been light and quick and fancy and although she was completing it all, it felt extremely workmanlike. It was a nifty little turn sequence from the both of them there at the end, I’ll give them that – Nigel agrees with me. And the judges don’t care about this couple at all. They fell into their own monkey shines because they were so bored with them. And I was as well. Don’t care about them at all. Why does Erin keep bringing up dress? Nobody gives a shit about dress. Dress rehearsal is when you are supposed to make all your mistakes and get all your nerves out so that the live performance can be flawless. I need a “Shut it, non-dancer judge” macro or something.

Mariah and BluPrint/Hip Hop/Bring the Noize/M.I.A. – Luther Brown. Nice. Wow. Real hip hop. I had forgotten what it looked like. That run forward at the beginning was like a punch in the face of goddamn and I loved it! Utah Krumper just has so much flow. And her swag is on a million in this routine. She was giving me Missy face and when they got to the Run It move after they got up off the floor she was murdering it. Mariah would put RiRi to shame with that move. And then she did the little ponytail flip? Stop it. Just stop it. The routine was fire. BluPrint coped well with a lot of really demanding choreo but for me for you, he could’ve not even been there. Mariah was a world destroyer out there. I think the judges are asking BluPrint to be something he’s not. He’s not Cyrus. He’s not Twitch. He’s not the turn the world on with a smile kid. He seems like he’s probably very reserved in real life. And he’s a reserved dancer, which works for him in his animation style, but doesn’t work for this show. The judges never have anything intelligent to say about hip hop, babbling about one level down from ill and six pack abs. Useless. I have already watched that routine a couple of times.

And Nigel and his whole Danny and Travis lost because they had no personality history lesson can kiss my ass. Sabra and Benji won because they were relentlessly pimped and in Danny’s case, along with the relentless pimping, there was a tandem campaign to paint him as an uppity black man. Danny and Travis both had great personalities. Gah. I just hate that man.

Exit, stage left

Jenna goes to safety right away. Of these three, I agree with that, even though she was by far the worst tonight. But Jasmine M. going home? That was a surprise. She was one of my early favorites. Still, I’m not broken up about it. She really petered out once she got on the big stage. I would’ve gotten rid of Alexis, myself, especially if the choreographers say she can’t take a note, but eh. She’ll go home next week.

So Other Jasmine can just be Only Jasmine now. That’s convenient.

B3 Girls Predictions

Jenna – It’s already clear that she has a very small fan base and she wasn’t very good this week.

Alexis – She’s just not as good as the other girls.

Mackenzie – She was OK in a routine that was very quiet and kind of tucked away in the middle of the pack

If there were any justice, it would be Malece, but no way she hits B3 this week after dancing with Marco. I do think that Haley might slip down into the B3 if Curtis manages to bring the whole team down.

B3 Guys Predictions

Curtis – Again, and deservedly so. It wasn’t good.

BluPrint – Again for being just good in his own style.

Tucker – Burned my eyes with his badness in that hip hop.

Even though I’d disagree, we might also see Alan down there in B3 again next week. He doesn’t seem to have a very deep fanbase and he was in a routine that wasn’t all that impactful and again buried in the middle of the pack. And he just lost his partner. I wish it would be Nico, but I won’t get that lucky.

Going Home Next Week Predictions

Unless she pulls something truly spectacular out of her ass, Alexis will go home next week for the girls. Same thing for Curtis. Nigel hates to give up on his growth arcs and he’ll already have another sacrificial lamb in Curtis, so if both BluPrint and Curtis hit B3 again, he’d rather give Curtis up. I think not even a really spectacular week could save him.

So apparently Sean's jazz last night for Jasmine M. and Alan was recycled. [link] He originally choreographed it for SYTYCD Canada.

I don't mind but seems some folks are a little peeved. I mean, it's not like he stole someone else's work and passed it off as his own. It's his piece.

The SYTYCD Canada kids did it better anyway. They got into the characters more.

Was ...?

Ha! I always did have a flair for the dramatic.

BB (OBviously I can't stop watching): So they are definitely making AAryn out to be the main bad guy on the racism front, which is its own kind of BS, and then also Howard's "I know how women are" goes unremarked-upon.

Relatedly, how happy will I be if an actual-secret girl alliance runs the house?

And then I got so riled up, I voted for MVP via text, forgetting it costs a dollar!

BB (OBviously I can't stop watching): So they are definitely making AAryn out to be the main bad guy on the racism front, which is its own kind of BS, and then also Howard's "I know how women are" goes unremarked-upon.

Seriously

Julie Chen had a Moment of Beauty last night though, when she was asking people if they forgot they were on Camera, and Aaryn said something like "people just see who I really am", and Julie said " yes, they do". Totally went over Aaryn's head, but that made it even better.