American Idol: I'm going to go out on a limb and say no to bodysuits except for Black Widow.

ITA!

They pulled out a whole lot of cheese for this one, too. Including the songs. "Up Where We Belong," really?

It was pretty heavy on the cheese!

And the winner was a big yawn surprise.

if you're ashamed to love Storage Wars, check out Market Warriors on PBS this summer. It has voiceover from Fred Willard!

Wait, we're supposed to be ashamed of that?

Random AI Thoughts:

Fantasia. Oh, dear. What has become of you? I don’t even. Black sequined cat suit with sheer illusion netting side panels on the thighs and inner forearms with red poinsettia sequins on the shoulders and several tons of weave all down your back and pounds of whore red lipstick on your mouth is just . . . no. Not under any circumstances. You and Josh took us to church, though. Good lookin’ out.

Oh, the ladies were holding it down for Chaka. Elisa and what’s her face. Erica? Angela? Whatever. Gone to soon, girls. Gone too soon. Except you, tall girl. Shannon? Shayla? Whatever. You, gone not nearly soon enough. And look, the real Chaka! Looking seven million times better in her sequined catsuit than ‘Tasia did even though she is a million years older than her. That is a lot of serious foundation garments going on under all that sequined spandex. I’m just saying. Though seriously, wtf on the sequined catsuits, wardrobe monkeys?

Rhi Rhi. Yeaaahhh. Tedious doesn’t even begin to describe that song. And of course she can’t actually sing which is always an unfortunate thing. I’m digging the dreads, though.

So much filler. I am only roused to continue to marvel at Jordin’s ability to resist bobblehead-ification at the hands of the AI machine. Black power fist, girl. You keep fighting the man.

I mostly refuse with the guys except to note that Joshua is owning that stage. The bitch came to play tonight.

And I Am Telling You. Shut it down. That song should never be sung again anywhere. Just . . . it’s done. Jennifer Holiday, go ‘head with your olive dress wearing, pit stain having, wiggly weave wearing ass. All pretenders to the left. Are you kidding? She and the –bot just killed the whole show. It doesn’t even matter who won anymore.

Is Aerosmith’s new song just some mash up of Walk This Way and Sweet Emotion with different lyrics? Really, Steven Tyler? I enjoy you, but really?

Aww, Phil overcome by emotion and in tears is enough to melt even my shriveled, black heart. But only for a second because god damn it, America! This fool can’t sing. Congrats, AI, on yet another white guy with guitar winner. Let’s hope that turns out better than your last two. You did give him the best AI winner’s single of all time. Perhaps that will help.

SYTYCD!!!!!

ABDC: You knew it was the edit of doom when Fanny Pak got their tattoos.

Wait, we're supposed to be ashamed of that?

I'm not saying you SHOULD be ashamed, but a person who might be ashamed might think that a PBS alternative is more high-brow. (Even though it's not.)

The Great Escape - new reality show airing on TNT this summer:

DESCRIPTION:
(from TNT's press release, March 2012) This fast-paced, nail-biting competition series drops ordinary people into the middle of their own epic action/adventure movie. Each week, Rich Eisen (NFL Total Access) hosts as teams of competitors try to find their way out of seemingly impossible situations for a chance to take home a cash prize. The series, from Fox Television Studios, is executive-produced by the Oscar(R)-winning team of Ron Howard and Brian Grazer, as well as the Emmy-winning producers of The Amazing Race, Bertram van Munster and Elise Doganieri. The series is created and executive produced by Justin W. Hochberg (The Apprentice) and Charlie Ebersol (The Wanted).

SYTYCD, Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAYAY!!