AI:
JLo’s dress makes her look bottom heavy and not in the good way she normally looks bottom heavy. The lighter shade on the bottom instead maybe? Ryan continues to kill it this season. I had to get used to the poofier hair but now I kinda like it. Somebody in wardrobe got the message about dressing up the teen girls like baby hookers. Still with the stripper shoes, though. That’s too bad.
Phil – Have you Ever Seen the Rain. Ha! OK, him cracking on how bad Time of the Season was was pretty cute. I cannot even concentrate because of the sax player's high waisted, bell bottom, buttons down the side, pinstripe jeans. What? That is a whole lotta fug. Also, this is quite possibly the most boring song ever sung on Idol. I feel like I’m at a bad karaoke bar. Where is Simon to talk about cabarets when you need him? I’m so tired of this fool. Is he a star? Dear god, he’s barely a notch above Lee DeWyze. Who? Exactly. Can we be done with this now?
Hollie – Faithfully. Love this song. She’ll do the Mariah version. Ooops. She’s trying to do the Journey version and it’s starting way too low for her which is pulling her way out of tune. Awww. How sad. The one time she should’ve gone for the diva version and she didn’t. She is flat and it’s driving me crazy. At least she doesn’t look like a grandma this week. That’s something. Of course, instead she looks like the bottom half of her dress got caught in an escalator and ripped off and she just luckily happened to be wearing some black leggings under the dress and there were only a few minutes left to get on stage so she just said “Fuck it” and let it ride. Still. Wow. That was not good. Even the power notes at the end were not great. Oh, judges. Why do you just lie sometimes? Well, most of the time.
Josh – You Raise me Up. He's excited for the humidity. Also cute. Josh’s skin is so sensitive, y’all. Hee! Second time in a week this song is getting a work out on reality TV. Have mercy, family. I do think he will kill it, though. He’s gonna take us to church. Jacket watch ’12? Still too small through the shoulders. Dammit, Hilfiger! This was a very self indulgent pick. I’m sure he enjoyed it and that the judges will give him a tongue bath because they always do, but I wasn’t crazy about it.
Jessica – Steal Away. She makes me so sad. Aw, she has never met kids before. Poor baby bot. And not the Etta James I thought she’d go with. I thought for sure she’d do At Last. She probably should have because this is just a weird choice. And it certainly doesn’t help with the perception that she chooses songs that are too old for her. What does this sixteen year old robot girl know about the blues? Her voice can do all the tricks, but there was no passion in it. That was odd.
Another Josh/Phil duet? Oh, joy. Because the first one wasn’t awkward enough? Feh.
Phil and Josh – This Love. Josh sounds great on this song. Wow. Phillip sounds as good as he’s gonna sound. This is so much better than the train wreck last time. You can say “Keep her coming every night” on AI now? Huh. So much for the family hour. And they have to put two pianos between them to keep them physically separated in order for them to look remotely comfortable with singing with each other. But Josh looks much happier/less like he wants to kill himself this week, so there’s that. That was fun. And actually good. Wait, the guys get This Love and the ladies have to sing The Bangles? Umm, that shit ain’t right.
Hollie and Jessica – Eternal Flame. Definitely the short end of the stick. And they are on swings because? This is whack. They sound lovely together. Nice harmonies. And then of course they fuck up the harmonies at the end. That was weird. And the Dawg goes ahead and says exactly what I just said thus making him right. Again. I’m so tainted this season. Reduced to being Randy’s amen chorus.
Shankdaddy pimping for his new film. Well, I’ll never turn down good Adam. His movie looks really bad, though. Small tear. I’ll probably still see it in a theater near me.
Top 4 – Waiting for a Girl Like You. Now, is Foreigner a California band? Is this song supposed to be about California? Was this song somebody’s inspiration? I’m so confused right now. Phillip’s voice is so out of place in this top 4. It’s wild.