I just got found on Facebook by a kinda friend. She used me as methadone when her main drug, my sister, wasn't available. She was all BFF every summer, and ditched me as soon as M came back into town for the new semester.

I wonder how long it will take her to work out M's on facebook, and if she'll friend her too.

And then unfriend me...

I have no idea what to write to Jon Stewart.

"I love you and want to have your children"?

There's the threat--if you don't write a credible cover letter, Allyson, we'll write an incredible one.

Back to work!

Dear John:

a;klsdgjal;skdjga;lxkjda;ladg

Love,

Allyson

Timelies all!

I'm sorry, Fred.

Healthma to Anne's stepfather.

You guys ae of NO HELP.

Dear Jon,

My publicist is totally whack and thinks that you'd be interested in having me come on your show to babble about the people clogging up the series of tubes with their dork dumptrucks.

The only reason I'm actually writing is to get your awesome rejection letter...can you sign it personally? Ira Glass didn't sign the TAL one, and I was totally bummed.

-A

Dear Jon:

Apparently the only way to increase the number of women on your show is to have one on as a guest, so why not me? I'm cuter than Reza Aslan, and that's saying something!

Best,

Allyson

PS: Next time, I swear I'll spell your name right on the first try! I swear I watch your show!!

I just registered a domain by accident. I went in to renew a few of mine, and apparently domaindiscover doesn't empty your shopping basket, even if you haven't been back this calendar year. And I didn't check the math.

So that domain I was looking into getting for a friend for Christmas last year? Got. This is weird.

Dear Jon,

If you have me on your show, I can get a free trip to New York and hang out with Jesse and msbelle.

Um. I don't think there's much in it for you, aside from you being the tallest person on the stage, and usually that's such a crap shoot.

For reals,

Allyson