There's the threat--if you don't write a credible cover letter, Allyson, we'll write an incredible one.

Back to work!

Dear John:

a;klsdgjal;skdjga;lxkjda;ladg

Love,

Allyson

Timelies all!

I'm sorry, Fred.

Healthma to Anne's stepfather.

You guys ae of NO HELP.

Dear Jon,

My publicist is totally whack and thinks that you'd be interested in having me come on your show to babble about the people clogging up the series of tubes with their dork dumptrucks.

The only reason I'm actually writing is to get your awesome rejection letter...can you sign it personally? Ira Glass didn't sign the TAL one, and I was totally bummed.

-A

Dear Jon:

Apparently the only way to increase the number of women on your show is to have one on as a guest, so why not me? I'm cuter than Reza Aslan, and that's saying something!

Best,

Allyson

PS: Next time, I swear I'll spell your name right on the first try! I swear I watch your show!!

I just registered a domain by accident. I went in to renew a few of mine, and apparently domaindiscover doesn't empty your shopping basket, even if you haven't been back this calendar year. And I didn't check the math.

So that domain I was looking into getting for a friend for Christmas last year? Got. This is weird.

Dear Jon,

If you have me on your show, I can get a free trip to New York and hang out with Jesse and msbelle.

Um. I don't think there's much in it for you, aside from you being the tallest person on the stage, and usually that's such a crap shoot.

For reals,

Allyson

Hrmmm... Maybe:

My publicist thinks you ought to have me come on your show to babble about the people clogging up the series of tubes with their dork dumptrucks.

It may be that she thinks you and your audience will enjoy my book. It may also be that she owes you a favor and feels that my remarkable shortness will make you appear tall and Clooneyesque, and even a wee New York political satirist deserves to feel like Clooney once in his life. Or it may have something to do with the fact that some folks have compared me to Sarah Vowell, and you and Sarah always seem to have a raucous good time when she drops by.

Please do not let Sarah Vowell see the above paragraph or she will totally kick my ass.

Actually, the only reason I'm writing is to get your awesome rejection letter...can you sign it personally? Ira Glass didn't sign the TAL one, and I was totally bummed.

Drat, the guy I was going out on a date with tonight had to cancel due to later-running meeting. On the plus side, he let me know he'd need to cancel well in advance, and was apologetic. Either of which by itself would put him WAY ahead of most of the available guys in Memphis. I think he's gonna be a keeper.

I vote for JZ's letter.