I was in the bookstore the other day and saw a Sandra Boynton book called "Your Personal Penguin". A board book for kids, but very cute (and PENGUIN!).

I was in the bookstore the other day and saw a Sandra Boynton book called "Your Personal Penguin"

Now I'm earwormed with Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus", except, you know, they're singing "Personal Penguin."

I don't go for fancy clothes
Or diamond rings
I go for penguins
Oh, Lord, I go for penguins

Next weekend, Ken Ham's Answers in Genesis Creation Museum is scheduled to open near Cincinnati....

Ken Ham's version of Genesis appears to have been designed to appeal to second-graders. Not only are all of the neat stories in the beginning of Genesis literally true. In Adam and Eve's day all of the animals were friends. None of the carnivores ate meat, so they never hurt or scared the lambs or deer. Cats never chased mice and dogs never chased cats. Not only that, but people and dinosaurs lived together and were friends. The dinosaurs let people put dino-saddles on them and ride them around like ponies.

Despite--or perhaps because of--all of this promiscuous friendship, God decided to kill most of the people and animals. God decided to give the people and animals one last chance. He told Noah to build a big boat and take two, or maybe seven, of each animal to save them while He destroyed the world with a flood. Noah did as he was told and God did as he promised. Afterward, Noah let all of the animal couples go free to fill the world. Sadly, because the new world wasn't as nice as the old one, some of the animals became carnivores and started eating the others.

...

Take the dinosaurs. After years of denying the reality of dinosaurs, most creationists have now accepted them and rearranged their theology to account for them. Ham has adopted a child-friendly dino-buddies in saddles narrative. The Bible says God commanded Noah to bring all of the animals onto the Ark and Noah was a righteous man, so there is no weaseling around and saying the dinosaurs went extinct in the flood. All species that have ever existed had to be on the Ark (although Ham's variety of creationists have some slick logic to reduce that number). Any extinction that has occurred had to have happened after the flood. Ham realizes that all of the dinosaurs couldn't have died the next day, so he says many must have lived into recent time, some might even be alive today. He basically endorses every monster and cryptozoological sighting in history as true in order to make room for his dinosaurs. Dragons? Real. Lake monsters? Real.

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The blue thingie above the mermaid's boobies is the old man's eye.

The old man is sort of wearing a mask around his eyes, and has a big hook nose. If that helps. He's shoulder deep in the water, and on a much bigger scale than your "mermaid".

After squinting at it for a long while, I finally saw the old man.

If it helps, the mermaid's tail is the man's shirt, with the rock as his jacket. He's in profile. Her right arm is his nose, and her left arm is his ear.

And, yikes. That picture of me in that set really proves how deeply unphotogenic I can be.

It's a really bad picture of an old man, if that helps too. I saw him first, but the mermaid is much more clearly representative.

My stomach hurts. Now, I know it hurts because I haven't been eating for the past weeke, but it makes it harder to eat, rather than easier. Doc said he'd pumped me so full of drugs that there was no point worrying about the lack of eating and the subsequent weight loss.

But I would like to like to eat any time soon. This past week has been pathetic.

I have a cute new neighbor. He marinaded chicken for me last night for supper.

I think he's bad news. He was wearing a ring last week, and when another neighbor inquired, he said he was separated from his wife, she hated LA, he wanted to stay to continue trying at television writing, blah blah the short story.

This week, no ring, but an obvious tan line.

Bad news.

Even single, he's bad news. Stay away from people you live with. If it doesn't work out, it's AWKWARD.