My favorite...if that word can apply...inmate in the big house was a fellow who sidled up to me one day and said, "You know, I've never been arrested for something I didn't do."

Me: Really? What do you do?

Him: I rob banks.

Me: No kidding.

Him: Yeah. I'm working to finance the violent overthrow of the government.

Me: Howze that going?

Him: [Wry smile]

I'm not sure why it surprised me, but he was African American. I generally attribute that sort of thing to skinheads for some reason.

It was not a fun experience, though I do believe that someone has to do it, and this time, it was me. It would have been a thousand times worse if it hadn't been really obvious that he was guilty, or if we had acquitted him and found out later about these other crimes they couldn't mention during the first part of the trial. I was really grateful that we all agreed so quickly.

They took the first one to trial because they had DNA evidence plus eyewitness, and probably because the first victim made a better witness. But both of these women -- 40 and 60 -- one of them grabbed a naked blade with her hand to get it away from the guy, and the other woman bashed out a window with her hand. They had crime scene photos of that window, and there was a lot of blood.

Oh, and someone asked what the chances were the guy would reach parole. He's been in custody since he was arrested last January, and they said he's not doing well in prisons. He's involved in fights, and he's the agressor. Even if he lives another thirty years, it seems unlikely he'll be paroled.

Me: Really? What do you do?

Him: I rob banks.

Me: No kidding.

Him: Yeah. I'm working to finance the violent overthrow of the government.

Me: Howze that going?

I like the present tense of the "I rob banks". And "Howze that going?" seems the only reasonable answer to any statement of planning the violent overthrow of the government.

Even if he lives another thirty years, it seems unlikely he'll be paroled.

Doesn't sound like he's going to live that long in prison.

That fellow was doing a 10 year stretch...one of many in his life. But he DID speak in the present tense as if the 8 years he had left were going to fly by and he'd be right back at his trade. Patience.

eta: Pat, I'd like to buy an 'e'.

We settled on a subtitle.

Drumroll

Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby?

And Other Unusual Stories from a Life Online

But he DID speak in the present tense as if the 8 years he had left were going to fly by and he'd be right back at his trade. Patience.

I'd say patience makes for a good bank robber, but the multiple 10-year stretches would seem to mitigate against that.

Right. He had conviction, but apparently not a lot of finesse. Seemed to get caught every. single. time. A case in which persistence does not make perfect.

Oh, that seems good, Allyson!