It's 43 degrees out, I cut off all my hair last week, and my head is freezing, but I can't find a nice, warm, non-fugly hat.

I can knit you one. Whatcha want, fedora maybe a kicky beret?

I can knit you one. Whatcha want, fedora maybe a kicky beret?

Hee. One can knit a fedora? That baffles me!

I need to find where my hats are all hiding. I know I own some.

Well, I figure you'd need to felt it. But as they say, "If you can knit some ovaries, you can knit a fedora!"

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes

I like this one:

#5: San Serriffe
In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement in honor of the tenth anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that then gripped the British tabloids in the following decades.

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

One of my all-time favorite BBC clips. It's so fantastically well done.

[eta: It's a pity the version they have online is so tiny. Makes it harder to see the spaghetti trees.]

#27: Michigan Shark Experiment

"Michigan Shark Experiment" would be a good band name....

I am completely humourless about April Fools. I just don't get it. The pranks started early at/about/around krav. Sorts of calls that got hung up on, or worse yet got taken seriously ("We've been broken into! The front window is shattered! The computers are gone!") and pissed off the recipient.

Sadly, what wasn't an April Fool's joke was that I failed the black belt test (I've been told to say "I didn't pass" because it'll get less of an emotional reaction, but y'all already know my no-hug policy, so I feel good). I have to say I threw it all out there on the floor, and I know my shit better than anyone else who took the test and can do my shit as well as most of them.

So I failed somehow else, and I can't lie--I'm feeling kinda gutted right now. I don't expect the sense of disorientation or sudden re-surprise to wear much away before I meet with the testing instructor tomorrow evening (I've already had his "You must test again! You'll be an asset to krav!" speech, but I can be an asset as a brown belt too, right? Having taken the test, it's more scary than it was before I took it, and I shiver at the thought of taking it again. I really don't want to. I've been told that'll wear off with time. It might. I feel hella convinced right now, though).

I threw everything I had out on that floor a week ago, and it wasn't enough. I don't know where to get more, so maybe that's where I'll let it lie. All I know I'll be in September is older. Experience tells me I'll also be in pain, probably more than I was last week.

I...Well, at least I have to stop being mad at the people that passed. That's just arrogance, and is unfair. They did what they needed to, and I could not. It's not a relative thing.

So, yeah, lack of hugs greatly appreciated.

Well, no hugs here, but I'm sorry you didn't pass.

I'm sorry, ita.

On my first black belt test, I got lost in a kata I had done hundreds of times before and then ran out of the room. It was not my finest hour. I know you did better than that. I'm not offering hugs, but I'm sure you realize you were under some extraordinary stressors over the past year.