OH MY GOD ALLYSON JESSE BOTH OF THEM JUST CALLED ME A LOSER!!!!

runs sobbing from the thread

Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister

WASHINGTON, DC—Though critics have argued that he does not understand the futility of his current situation, President Bush announced today that he has no plans to remove his head from its current position: wedged painfully between two balusters on a White House staircase.

"Setting a timetable for withdrawal of my head would send mixed messages about why I put my head here in the first place," Bush said at a press conference on the Grand Staircase. "I am going to finish what I set out to accomplish here, no matter how unpopular my decision may be, or how much my head hurts while stuck between these immovable stairway posts."

Democrats, emboldened by electoral victories that gave them control of both houses of Congress, are calling for Bush to begin withdrawing his head from the banister immediately.

"Why does the president refuse to pull his head out of that banister?" House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said in a speech yesterday. "Hasn't he had his head in there long enough? We'd all like to know just how the American people are being served by him keeping his head in that banister."

Oh Allyson, just enjoy the dinner conversation and don't worry if he's gay or a loser. He may just like dinner with smart, funny women who can write.

Allyson--you won't know until you actually, you know, go out with the dude. It may be a polite thank you meal. He may want to date you. He may want to be friends. He may have no idea what he wants. Every time you find yourself obsessing and talking yourself down (which if your dating record is anything like mine, will be apporximately every 10 seconds), just remember that you have no idea what he is thinking and every molecule of worry you spend on it won't change a thing. Get out of your head, girl, and just go and eat.

Something not from The Onion:

Poll: People Support Gay Marriage More Than Rodents As Pets

SAN DIEGO -- Ferret fans were disheartened by a statewide poll that showed more people support gay marriage than legalizing the rodents as pets, 10News reported.

San Diego-based Ferrets Anonymous commissioned the Field Poll to gauge public opinion on critters, but found that only 38 percent of those queried support legalizing ferrets, while 43 percent support gay marriage, according to the San Jose Mercury News.

"I thought California was more of a live-and-let-live state," said Pat Wright, who founded the group in San Diego in 1993. He told the San Jose Mercury News that legalizing gay marriage or marijuana might have a better chance at the polls than ferrets.

Okay. Hi. With the woozy. I think I overestimated my recovery from the sinus funk this morning, which in turn explains my waking up psychotic. I am going to stop mentally punishing myself for being a loser until such a time as when the funk and I go separate ways.

I have tea. I can make it another thirty minutes. I think.

Oh, and Matt, I'll totally send him East. Friends don't owe friends finder's fees. Just don't gloat about how fantastic he is in the sack. That's all I ask.

Have you met me?

Seriously though, sounds like you should have a fun evening regardless. Just remember, even if he asked you out with nothing more than friendly intent, that doesn't mean things have to stay that way if you play your cards right.

I would never call you a loser, sarameg!

13 more mintes and I'm gonna escape. Screw not having finished all the end-of-month crap. It's not going anywhere.

I am going to stop mentally punishing myself for being a loser until such a time as when the funk and I go separate ways.

I've been waiting for that for about 20 years.