I can't and shouldn't try to make him make those phone calls.

Ah, true. You can make the demand but you can't force the other person to change, so then you get to decide if the change you'd like is a dealbreaker or not. Bless you, Daisy, for not being on the warpath of "I can change him!" I see too many miserable men who didn't realize they had been married off the fixer-upper aisle.

Daisy just described the process I went through before finally ending things with Fela. The great thing about that process is that there is no blame involved. I can ask for something, but I can't expect that thing. If it isn't possible, it isn't possible. There is no fault, just choice.

Men are not fixer-uppers - they're pretty much as-is.

Some people don't do things knowingly, some people are just drifting along in status quo land and didn't realize the quo hasn't been under the status for a long time.

I think I need to embroider this and then pull it out every time my not!ex calls me.

Also, wrod.

I don't completely blame those women, because there's the myth out there of the civilizing influence of the womenfolk. It's not one I'm prone to. I'm more prone to be overly permissive for fear of being seen as a nag or castrating bitch or not one of the boys. It's something I'm still prone to even though I know I have a right to want what I want even if I don't have the right to actually get it.

{{Stephanie}}

Interesting news, vw, about the tutoring thing. Hope you do get a chance to ask your questions and get satisfying answers.

Southernisms are the best. If you can't say something nice or profound make up a confusing metaphor!- as my grandmother used to say.

That coon hound don't fly.

I know I have a right to want what I want even if I don't have the right to actually get it.

Um. Did you mean to say that you can want it even if it isn't currently available? 'Cause, you have an inalienable right to get what you want. Sometimes it just talks...um...time.

My lovelife sometimes feels like that classic Edison example where his assistant complained, "Dr. Edison, we've tried 10,000 filaments and none worked. We have failed." Edison is supposed to have replied something along the lines of, don't you see how great that is? Now we know 10,000 things that don't work!

Actually, I feel pretty good about the success of my interpersonal relationships, so the analogy is only partly apt. I think now I DO know 10,000 that don't work...and am richer for it.

Yay Daisy for the sexy mail!

Yay vw for surprise tutoring thing. Email sounds good.

Sorry about the draining friendship, sj. Some good advice there. Whatever you are comfortable doing. We had been friends with a couple for about forever. For about a year every single time she called me it was to complain endlessly about her husband, also my friend. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and asked her why she didn't just get a divorce if he was so impossible and she was so miserable. She hasn't talked to me since. I remain friends with her husband. Should have done it a lot earlier.

Well, fuckity. I didn't get juliana's old job. Notified by a computer-generated email. Bleah.

Man, I gotta get out of this place. In the long run, that's what I need. In the short run, what I need is to go bundle myself up with Matilda, and then while she's napping go soak my head in a nice martini.

Oh no. Sorry for the disappointment JZ. So sorry. May this just mean something better is on the way.