Anyway, the classic divide is between people who see money as security versus people who see money as freedom. Some of that is in play here, but I think it's also getting loaded up with a lot of emotional baggage that your mom is bringing to the discussion.
This. A lot of this. For my mom, she wants the securirty and stability money can bring. Financing a house. Maintaining a house. She has sacrificed a lot in her life for the people she loves, not purchasing things she wanted in order to buy something for my siblings and myself. She equits sacrifice for greater things, the big life things with the right way to use money.
I've never seen it that way. Granted, I think that's due somewhat to my age--stability isn't even on my radar right now, which freaks her and my dad out a lot. It's freedom--freedom to have a cup of coffee at the cafe I like, freedom to book a weekend trip somewhere I've never been, freedom to, er, buy a hamster. (Which I did this weekend. Pictures forthcoming.) I risk future stability for present freedom/pleasure, and I know that, and I know that it's a risk. But it's a risk I'm willing to take right now. I'm kind of lousy with future, so I figure it's worth it, and I also figure it's temporary in a very real way. If I'm still overdrafting in ten years, then it's a problem. Right now it's an inconvenience.
As an adult child of an alcoholic, I'm not seeing where it's you. It's your mom. It's a control thing, and I don't even mean that in a bad way, like, "SHE'S TRYING TO CONTROL YOU.' What I mean is that you are very far away. That's worrisome for a parent. The only way she can keep you "safe" is by taking care of your money issues, so she is.
That is very reassuring, Cindy. Thanks. And it's true. She can't let go of the mother thing, and it doesn't help that I'm her first kid, I don't think. She has a lot of trouble letting go of me, which is ironic, since I continually go so far away.
smonster, I got your email. Responding once dinner is done fixin'.
Also, I didn't mean to disparage Al-Anon, if I did upthread. I respect the stability and help that it gave my mom. But equating her life with mine sets me off, a lot, and equating my life choices with John's is something of a hot button. A mostly dormant hot button. I was frustrated, and that came out poorly. But jesus, I already spent three years in therapy. And I have the buffistas. Her need for Al-Anon doesn't translate to my need for Al-Anon, and I don't think she gets that.
They are talking about The Secret thing in Natter and maybe there's something to it because the guy came back through!
We chatted! I wasn't able to give him my cell but I made sure that he had my office phone. I just realized that he said he gets off at 6, I should have suggested getting together for drinks.
Oh well, he said he'd come back through here more often.
I know I'm all this guy loves carrots and I will shut up after this.
No - askye - no shutting up. You have to post mushy carrot stuff to counter balance my constant fussing. Seriously.
Dude, askye, it's no Secret that you KICK ASS and that a nice guy would want to hang out with you!
Bah on The Secret! It's just good old fashioned sexaaay!
I know I'm all this guy loves carrots and I will shut up after this.
no need to shut up at all. We love the squee. I must have someone to live vicariously through!
no need to shut up at all. We love the squee. I must have someone to live vicariously through!
So very much this!! Squee is good.
I had another interview this morning for a job that I really want. Good school. Teaching speech and theatre. And, the guy I interviewed with with nice and funny and HOTT. And gay, so I sat there thinking of my friends that he needs to meet and go out with.
Even so, I think it went well. I hope it did. He said second interviews will be later this week with hopefully a decision made next week. I really want him to call me.
Also, I didn't mean to disparage Al-Anon, if I did upthread.
I didn't read it as disparaging. I never went to Al-Anon or to ACoA meetings, or anything. My mother went to Al-Anon for a while. It helped her some at first, but after a while she didn't need it. She tried to encourage me to go to Ala-teen at one point, but I rejected the idea of me attending meetings because my father had an alcohol addiction. Also, for an alcoholic home, our home was fairly functional. I already "got" that it's a disease, that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't control it, and that I did not have to be ashamed, nor did I have to enable the drinking or pretend it was normal. I had good friends. I did well in school. I didn't get in much trouble. I went to church and youth group. I was pretty happy.
My mind went all blank when he's around, because it's just natural for me to think of the cool things to say 10 mins after the fact.
I didn't manage to get him my cell number, but I did make sure he had my direct line. And I saw him and grinned and as he came through the door he said "You just made my day" so I went all melty.
Little gooey puddles of askye all around. And I learned he does go by a nickname and not his full first name.
Um, if people want more details there will be more detailed squee in my livejournal.
He said he gets off at 6 and I should have totally used that as an opening for drinks after work but that will be in the future.
We love the squee. I must have someone to live vicariously through!
'Sactly.
And carrots are a vegetable, so it's good for us too.
My mom arrives for a week tomorrow and my house is a disaster. And the allergies are fierce today. Yeah, today's gonna keep being fun. But in yay? My thumb seems to be shrimp-free!
I imagine you've seen this already PC, [link]
I saw that one of the graduate winners was from Ann Arbor. Were you in the same program, or another?
