The more you talk about ADHD, the more I think I should be tested too. I've always had a terrible time focusing on just one thing and getting it done, and when something has to be done, I usually have to ingest massive doses of caffeine to sit down and to it. When I get enough caffeine, I can sit down and focus.

In a Freecycle e-mail I just got:

"offer: king size head broad and rails"

The ADD discussing is making me think that I need to get off my ass, find a doctor here in St. Louis, and get back on my meds. Work has been busy enough that my usual coping strategies have not been keeping up.

They hadn't discovered ADD when I was a child. I only discovered it when my younger son had it--I recognized in him a lot of the things I had done and felt, and behaviors I'd had before I learned how to circumvent them. I spent grade school testing high on IQ and pretty high on aptitude, and taking home interim reports and report cards all saying "She's so smart, she just doesn't TRY." My poor parents truly had *no* clue, so they tried all the punishment and reward stuff, which of course just made me feel stupider because it didn't seem to work, either.

When you're a kid, you *believe* grownups--I mean, they're the ones who who know, right? You're new here, and they've been here a while, so they know stuff you haven't learned yet. So when they tell you you aren't trying, or you're stupid, they must be right.

When I was in my teens, I fell badly skating, dislocated my knee, tore and pulled every connector between my calf and thigh. I remember sitting on the edge of the orthopedist's table. "Wiggle your toes." Look, wiggly toes. "Now raise your leg." I tried. I tried so hard I broke a sweat and nearly passed out, because I didn't want to have a leg that didn't work. I didn't want to be that person. But the truth was, I *was* trying. The pathway for the message to move was just verschimmlt.

So when I explain it now, that's the ...simile? I use.

Several of my bosses and co-workers have mocked me for my OCD. Little did they know that being OCD was all that kept me moored.

My mother begged to have me tested for ADD when I was in school, because I would take nearly all of my classwork home unfinished as homework, but I also had good grades and didn't disrupt the class much (unless you count sharpening your pencil every 5 minutes), so they refused to believe I needed testing.

Uh. You all are seriously making me think I should get tested. This:

you mean other people have been aware of the passage of time all along

was the clincher. Hours just... disappear. Days, months, even. I often find myself saying, my god, has it been that long since I did that? I finally found an anti-depression med that worked for me (Welbutrin; SSRIs make me worse) and I'm not depressed anymore, I just can't get anything done. I have a hard time focusing even at work, and there I think it's the rigid schedule that keeps me going.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just lazy, or more depressed than I think. We can't ALL be ADD, can we?

I finally found an anti-depression med that worked for me (Welbutrin; SSRIs make me worse) and I'm not depressed anymore, I just can't get anything done. I have a hard time focusing even at work, and there I think it's the rigid schedule that keeps me going.

Zenkitty is me exactly, including the Welbutrin, except that, working for myself, I don't have the rigid schedule.

That business about the passage of time really hits home. I've always had a hard time getting places on time because I just don't realize how much time I'm spending doing something else. Plus, I can't just leave things undone if I'm in the middle of something to go somewhere else. If I've got one dish left to wash and washing it will make me 5 minutes late, I will still wash it. I either don't start things because they'll take enough time that I can't finish it in one sitting, or I do it and everything else just goes away until I'm done. Even though I know I do it, I'm always surprised when it happens.

The more you talk about ADHD, the more I think I should be tested too. I've always had a terrible time focusing on just one thing and getting it done, and when something has to be done, I usually have to ingest massive doses of caffeine to sit down and to it. When I get enough caffeine, I can sit down and focus.

Me too, except I often hyper-focus on one thing to the exclusion of others. I've gotten annoyed at the kids when they've asked me a question out of the blue, while I was doing something simple like making sandwiches. That said, it mostly doesn't hinder my life, so if anything, I think it's mild. I've been less focused (on ANYTHING) since I started the SSRI, though.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just lazy, or more depressed than I think. We can't ALL be ADD, can we?

Hee. I know. I think it's possible a lot of us are and that others (Hi, my name is Cindy) are suggestible.

Hours just... disappear. Days, months, even. I often find myself saying, my god, has it been that long since I did that?

This is me - it's not the hours disappearing so much as the weeks and months. And not disappearing, exactly. Task wise, I can go months without getting to some small thing. But even with people - "Why haven't you called me?" "What do you mean, it's only been three weeks?" - or six months. It just doesn't feel like a long time to me. It's like my experience of the passage of is on a slower scale than normal people.

Plus, I can't just leave things undone if I'm in the middle of something to go somewhere else.

I, on the other hand, am the queen of leaving things undone.