Miniature Crocs!

Ellie has these and they are so cute. They are almost as long as they are wide.

SA, that's fantastic news! So happy for you!

Um, P-C? Remind your mom that she, too, is American. And also crazy, so ergo is another crazy American.

You may already know this, but American = white folk. Who just aren't good enough to have as friends, why don't I have Indian friends? Do I hate Indians or something? Huh? Do I think I'm better than everyone?

That's how you keep in touch with the family. Family's all you got. American [people], you know what they have. They don't have families. Well, not that they don't have families, but they're not close. For Indians, family is number one right now. Not right now, always.

Ah ha ha. ISTG your mom is working from the exact same template as my dad and his sister, except theirs inserts "Greeks" in all the places hers inserts "Indians." I got variants of this email, in writing and over the phone, endlessly from both of them throughout the wedding-planning process and again throughout the baptism-planning process (and, from my aunt, for every single wedding or baby shower in which any family members were even peripherally involved).

Is there some scary-ass immigration employee, on a mission from God to fuck up all future generations, handing this selfsame script to all non-USian parents as they cross our border?

Do I think I'm better than everyone?

Sometimes the answer to this really is "Well, to be honest, yes, I do."

Hooray York! And salsa dancing! And cute baby shoes!

ISTG your mom

ISTG? That sounds like a personality type.

Oh! I figured it out.

Is there some scary-ass immigration employee, on a mission from God to fuck up all future generations, handing this selfsame script to all non-USian parents as they cross our border?

Yes. He has faith in the power of family. Incidentally, that means he's Christian, since Christians are the only people allowed to have faith.

P-C, I think that the next time your mother flips out at you about not spending time with your family, not finding a girl she approves of, or anything else, you should send her one of my blood-spattered photos with a email explaining that you are moving to Seattle to be a houseboy. The resulting shock would probably get her to stop freaking out about other things.

Can we just divorce our crazy families and adopt each other?

I thought we already had.

SA, please dance your heart out, love every minute, get the most out of it - that will increase the joy of the entire hivemind.

waves hello to Noah and GraceYou are beautiful. Thrive and grow and be more joy.

There's just too much suck in March, I don't have it in me to elaborate on the ~ma and the punctuation I'm sending out.

I just want to note that there was no "flipping out" around the line I quoted. It was simply a gentle reminder to keep in touch with my relatives by calling them regularly.

you should send her one of my blood-spattered photos with a email explaining that you are moving to Seattle to be a houseboy. The resulting shock would probably get her to stop freaking out about other things.

Hee.

Remind your mom that she, too, is American.

She's not American. She's in India.