Argh...frickin' Orcs...I just washed my car. I know it's very serious...deadly army, very scary, but just once, could they not pick my car?!

North Pole, Christmas Town:

Sonny the elf waits to give the command to fire to the archers. The mass of Orcs advances, they're numbers seem endless.

"Fire" yells Sonny the elf.

Arrows fly through the air and some Orcs fall. But let's face it, Christmas elves are more toy builders and less Orc ass kickers so it's not like the Orcs are just getting mowed down in waves. The Warrior Smurfs have swords rather than projectile weapons so they are still standing around talking about how they are going to open a Smurf of Smurf-ass once the Smurfing Orcs breach the walls.

Ladders are raised against the walls and Orcs start climbing onto the walls. A battering ram is broght to bear against the gate, guided by Orcs under a canopy of shields. The melee does not go well for the elves and smurfs, bad things happen to them, blue body parts, pointy ears, pointy clothing with bells, and whatnot flying everywhere.

"Retreat to the Keep!" A call is raised among the troops. The elves begin a withdrawl to the fortified toy factory. The Smurfs would too, but they are mostly just blue smears on Orc weapons and armor now.

Things are looking grim in Christmas Town. There would be a sad song from a snowman with a banjo, but the Orcs killed him too.

There would be a sad song from a snowman with a banjo, but the Orcs killed him too.

Oh, the snowmanity.

Oh, the snowmanity.

(cackle)

Brian stares out the window at the clear morning sky.

"A blue dawn. Blood will be shed tonight."

"What's that, hon?"

"I need some more coffee."

(snerklegigglecreakgasp)

North Pole, Christmas Toy, The Toy Factory:

Santa looks around at what remains of his battered force of elves. They look tired and scared, no longer convinced they are too cute to die. The sound of a battering ram pounding against the gates of the factory echos through the otherwise quiet building. The chain of elven command has been whittled away to Smokey the elf who is just looking at the gates and saying "Duuuuude, like we're going to die, dude".

Santa slumps into a chair says softly, "It looks like we'll have to cancel Christmas forever."

A red light grabs Santa's attention. Rudolf walks up and bumps his glowing orb into Santa's arm.

"What's that Rudolf? One last ride for the glory of Christmas?" Santa gets to his feet and grabs his red and white sword. "Yes! One last ride! Assemble the team!"

Elves help to quickly prepare Santa's sled and get the reindeer team prepared. A company of elves mount the reserve reindeer with lances and shields ready.

"Ready the gates!" Shouts Santa. Elves rush to the gates to prepare for the charge.

Santa shouts. "Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN! To the heart of the Melee! Til the last of us fall. Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

Santa lowers his sword. The gates are flung open and the elf lancers charge along with Santa's sliegh into the heart of the Orc Army.

Oh, gods, and Santa's chant even scans.

"Phred? Did you feel that?"

"What, boss?"

"I dunno. I can't explain. It just had this feeling like we moved or something."

North Pole, Christmas Town:

At first Orcs fall to the lances of the elves and Santa's mighty sword, but the numbers are too great. Some of the elves begin to fall, and an Orc's flail wraps Santa's sword and pulls him from the sleigh. Santa discards the chain wrapped sword and whips out authentic reproductions of Legolas's knives (made as a gift for a Krav-loving resident of Sang Sacre) from his belt.

The elves and Santa are surrounded by the mass of elves. Many an Orc falls to mighty Santa-fu, but the numbers are too great. There can be only one end. The Orcs start yelling "Uk Ta!" which means "Victory is at hand and soon we will feast on the flesh of our foes maininated in a tasty lemon sauce with just a hint parsley for presentation purposes and feast on their brains sweetened with sugar and baked into pies for dessert!" in Orcish.

Suddenly the sun rises over a ridge in the South (yeah, yeah techincally everything is South that isn't very useful). Over the ridge steps a large white figure. It's the Easter Bunny!

From behind the Bunny swarms hundreds of smaller bunnies, launching themselves towards the Orc with nasty big pointy teeth bared. The Easter bunny hops along as well, lobbing exploding eggs into the Orc horde.

Santa and the elves raise a cheer and attack with new vigor. Santa slashes though Orcs yelling things like "Ho, ho, ho, yo bitch!". The bunnies hop into the Orcs and Orcs parts start flying. Also, some doves fly through some smoke.

The Orc army is routed and commence running away with great speed yelling "Uk Ta!" which translates into "Run Away! Run Away! The killer bunnies are killing us with their big nasty pointy teeth and we do not wish to be rabbit food!" in Orcish.

There is much rejoicing in Christmas Town. The elves start singing "We are Santa's elves..." etc.

Santa hands his knives to an elf. "Vacuum pack these and get them wrapped."

"But they are covered in Orc blood."

"That's why they need to be vacuum packed, keeps the blood fresh."

Santa heads back to the Toy Factory to get the operation moving again. "Time to get to work my friend." He says to the elf.

"But aren't you going to celebrate our victory Santa?" Asks the elf.

Santa sighs. "With great power comes great responsibility."